3 Days and Going Strong...

Well, somewhat strong. I am finding myself checking my blackberry, talking to myself, and turning on my lamp while still laying in bed to avoid getting up for a few extra minutes in the morning. But I have not hit that little devilish button for the past 3 days. I do appreciate all the reminders that I'm not the only one who LOVES to snooze... it makes me feel like I'm not the only crazy person who can snooze for hours at a time. And you're right Kayla, at least the snooze button makes the noise stop... I probably should just enjoy it while I can.

But NO! I will conquer this, I will!

Is there such a thing as too much technology?

My dependence on technology technically started with the pager I inherited from my college bound sister shortly after I turned 17. By 21 I was enjoying the convenience of constant communication, but also getting tired of one-way communications. I upgraded to a cell phone and suddenly had constant access to the world at my fingertips all the time. That meant the world also had constant access to me, but when you're 21 that is actually a good thing.

My cell phone was very handy over the next several years as I moved in and out of apartments, in and out of my parents house, and in and out of the state. No matter where I went my friends and family still had one number to reach me at. How convenient that by the time I moved out of state, I didn't even have to change my area code! However, just before moving to New York, I also discovered the ipod, which bumped my technology dependence up to a slightly new level.

With my new ipod, I moved my entire music collection across the country with me in one little handful of metal and plastic. With my ipod in my pocket the Indigo Girls wandered city streets with me, Van Morrison accompanied me on the subway (which besides being a lovely way to pass the time also kept random strangers from trying to tell me their life stories. Seriously, there's a reason people don't talk to each other on the subway), the Black-eyed Peas went running with me, and Jack Johnson fell asleep with me. I actually carried around that 5Gb dinosaur of an ipod (I actually got it used and it was probably the first generation ipod) for three years along with my little sprint flip phone and was totally content with life and the "basic necessities" that kept me connected to the world, and musically satiated.

Tonight, however, as I turned on 3 different computers to find the password to my internet, I realized that my dependence, and attachment to technology might be a bit ridiculous. When I pack for vacation, my concern is not now based on whether or not I remembered my toothbrush and underwear, but whether I have: my blackberry and charger, my ipod and charger, my laptop and charger, and my camera and charger. Instead of a purse, I carry a backpack on the airplane to ensure I'm able to fit all of my electronics. I was super excited to leave my laptop behind (as well as my blackberry) when I left for Australia for two weeks, until I learned that my boss was more than happy to switch my phone plan to include international calls, and that he was also not more than happy that I would not even be checking email while I was gone. So... I packed along a mini-laptop and my phone, and dutifully checked in from time to time to make sure my employees were surviving, and all was well. It turns out, work managed just fine without me. But to be honest, in the end I was more than happy to have an excuse to have the internet available, and maybe even my phone from time to time. So in reality, am I more attached to technology than I like to think?

For the record, I have still managed to live for two years in an apartment with no TV. That does count for something, right?

Conquering the Snooze Addiction

As I thought about what I could change my blog title to, I first had to determine what I wanted my blog to be about. I couldn't very well carry on with 31 reasons for being 31 (it just doesn't have the same ring to it, right?), because aside from not sounding nearly as good, I either had to increase the number of posts this year (and 30 seemed pretty difficult last year) or I only had to add one more and call it good. So... what now?

I am actually fairly well known to have grand intentions for myself (so grand they are hard to follow through with), and also equally well known for being somewhat free-spirited. I wanted to put into writing for my own observation (and maybe for a little entertainment) some of my grand intentions, and the process I go through in trying to follow through with them. Yellow Flats, Red Stilletos seems to illustrate to me the fun-loving and spontaneous aspects of my personality, as well as the driven, powerful side of me that tries so hard to take charge, but can only hope to consistently temper my impulsive, curious nature. And shoes as metaphorical objects used to describe my personality couldn't be better a better fit (pun intended).

My most recent grand intention is to conquer my severe addiction to the snooze button. I realize that many people snooze at least once on any given morning. I think most would agree, that the feeling of snuggling back under warm cozy covers for 9 extra minutes is blissful, even if it is only temporary. I know I am not the only person who feels this way, because nearly every alarm clock available has a very large button on top labeled "snooze". However, I am one of few that can't seem to stop snoozing, regardless of the fact that I know I am not getting good sleep, and that I will be persistently startled by a "wha-wha-wha-wha" sound every 9 minutes. Still, I might go through this for up to two hours if I've given myself enough opportunities to do so in the morning.

Here are some of the dilemmas that keep me from overcoming this habit:

1. I always want to get so much accomplished in the morning, and therefore I set my alarm for earlier than I actually have to get out of bed.
2. I am expected to be at work by 9am. So, if I decide I want to go in early, it is purely up to me to get there early, and therefore, if I am tired and decide to hit snooze once, or 10 times, I know that it won't really matter because I am only adjusting my expectations and my schedule (I actually tried to change my schedule to an earlier one for awhile and then just gave up).
3. It is extremely difficult to explain to a semi-conscious mind that it is better to get up and face the cold immediately rather than in 9 more minutes, because all the semi-conscious mind really cares about is that it's warm and cozy in bed, and it's not so warm and cozy out of bed (I've tried leaving my heat up a bit at night, so far it hasn't really been that helpful).
4. The simple truth is that I was not good at waking up in the morning, even when I was a little tiny girl. (My mom had a little poem that she used to recite with me in the mornings. Somehow over the years I had the impression it was a happy little poem recited by a happy little girl. It turns out it was my mom's way of trying to help me be a happy little girl in the morning. Oops. Sorry, Mom.)

So, I have a new plan. Well, the start of a new plan. First, I've decided that if I can go an entire month without hitting the snooze button once, I will buy myself the pair of white sweater boots that I've been wanting (I know, here we go with shoes again). Now, I am not good at holding myself to this kind of commitment. Eventually I tend to buy myself what I want anyway. But if I am putting it in writing, then I have to admit, in writing, if I give in and buy the boots anyway. I also realize that I have to be realistic with the time I will actually get out of bed. That is still an issue I'm working out with myself.

In the grand scheme of things, aside from the worthless sleep I'm getting each morning that I continually hit snooze, is the snooze button such a deadly vice? Not so much... just a silly one. However, I know that making and keeping these small commitments to myself will help me make the bigger and more important commitments to myself and to others. And I have learned through many hard lessons, that if I can't keep a commitment to myself, it can be equally as hard to keep my commitments to others. And as my mother has said many times, life is all about sacrifice and commitment (Mom, are you feeling all your preaching has paid off a bit?? I love you.).

Could I actually like cold water sports??

I had a boyfriend once who said I pretty much shut off once I get cold. And he's not very far from being right on. I HATE being cold, and I get cold very easily. In fact, I feel like Mr. Rogers every day at work when I come in from the 90 degree weather and put on my sweater for my day in the office. With that in mind, I was a bit hesitant about booking a 5 hour black water rafting trip in New Zealand. The adventure itself sounded fun, but I gave up on river rafting when I realized I just plain don't like being trapped in a raft, freezing cold, for hours at a time. But I'm in New Zealand, right? How bad can it really be? Except that when we woke up this morning it was rainy and maybe the coldest it's been since we got here. The rain part didn't matter so much since we were going to be in a cave, but it did make it feel much colder.

We got to the caves and had to put on wetsuits (that were already cold and wet), helmets, boots, and the rest of our gear. Once we had the wetsuits on, I actually felt a little better because I felt somewhat protected. Then we headed off to learn how to rappel before we headed into the cave. So this was what our cave excursion consisted of:

• Rappelling down about 150 feet into the cave
• Riding a zip line about 500 feet into the cave after our initial descent
• Jumping about 15 feet into freezing river water onto a tube
• Tubing in the dark to see the glow worms
• Walking/Swimming through caverns and jumping down waterfalls
• Climbing up a few water falls to get back out of the cave

There were a few times things got slightly intense. However, the wetsuits saved me from getting too cold, and our cute guide Andrew was very helpful in making sure I didn't fall and hurt myself. Also, you can't really stand around hemming an hawing about jumping into cold water when there are 6 other people waiting for you and a guide right there counting to 3. Besides, I figured if everyone else could handle it, so could I. And it was AWESOME!!! I loved every mintue of it. Even if it was cold. Totally worth it. And totally worth coming to New Zealand for.

Still... my favorite extreme sports will continue to be the ones where I can hop out of the cold water straight onto a beach with 90 degree weather...

9 Paid Days of Freedom...sort of...

I have been released from work for 9 paid days to take a "holiday" in Australia and New Zealand. This actually worked out to be 15 days of travel for me, since one work day is a holiday and there are 3 weekends included. 15 beautiful days of being away from my life. Except that my blackberry and laptop are my trusty travel companions just in case someone from work needs my help. I guess it's nice to feel needed. And... it's also nice to have work pay for me to use my cell phone and the internet on vacation.

Just a few highlights of the trip so far:

• Ben Folds in the Sydney Opera House
• Hot Aussie (and Italian) boys taking care of us
• Whale watching (which ended up being dolphin watching)
• Bondi Beach
• A hot new Sydney haircut
• Much needed R&R

People will always suprise you

Last night I was at Old Navy and a sweet little Asian girl was helping me find a particular shirt I was in search of. After I found the shirt on my own and continued on with my shopping, she eventually returned, shirt in hand, and asked if she'd found what I was looking for. Then she said, "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you. You all just look the same to me." My initial reaction was that I wanted to say to her, "That's okay, you all look the same to me too," because I figured if she was going to make a comment like that, then she shouldn't be offended if I returned the same remark. But I refrained. Still, it's amazing what people think it's okay to say...

Reason #30 - I put away childish things

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." (I Corinthians 13:11)

Today we spent my 31st birthday at Lagoon. As my parents, sister, and best friend sang happy birthday to me over our picnic in the terrace, I laughed at being 31 and holding my birthday party at Lagoon. I laugh at the idea that I still don't feel grown up despite the fact that I live in my own apartment, I have a grown up job, I own my own car (and scooter), I have a cosmetology license and almost a bachelor's degree, and because some of my own friends and family very near to my age are already the parents of 3 children. And I also laugh realizing that I am happy that I am still young in the ways that allow me to find joy in silly things.

As I thought about my final reason for loving 30, I have thought about the fact that 30 is a great age to be. And the reason that 30 is so great is that I finally know myself. I am comfortable in my own skin. I know that I hate river rafting and scary movies, and that's okay. I know that I love roller coasters, I love Lake Powell, I love wake boarding, and I love living in an apartment with no TV. At 30, I have grown enough in my career to provide an income that allows me to do things I've always wanted to do, and allows me to learn from holding a position of responsibility. And, I've also learned enough about love to know that I can love many people in many different ways, and sometimes that means my heart breaks. It's okay that I won't marry every man that I fall in love with, and the only way I can truly settle is to not trust that the Lord will provide me the opportunities that will bring me the most joy.

Most importantly, at 30 - and as of today, 31 - I have recognized that I am a woman, and I have put away childish things. My life, though silly and unrefined, is focused (as much as I know how to focus) on knowing who I want to become and striving to reach that potential. It is a process every day, and some days are better than others. But God has given me the opportunity to enjoy every step of my journey. I don't have to give up going to amusement parks, jumping in puddles, eating cookie dough, and having a slumber party every once in awhile just because I am grown up. I just have to keep remembering to live up to who I am so I can bring real joy into my journey, and to others.