tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88834808910084712582024-03-18T20:55:51.334-07:00yellow flats, green high topsSweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-40668489471303428362023-05-13T06:22:00.006-07:002023-05-13T06:22:44.542-07:00<p> Spiritual Senses<span> </span><span> </span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span>"The last month has been a bit of a blur, but I figured it was time for an update. I'm in the waiting place right now. I thought I would hate that. And there are moments it's hard if I'm honest. But it's actually been so beautiful in ways I was not expect.</span></p><p><span>I stopped taking my medicine in the middle of January. To be honest, I was ready. I knew medicine was not the means to an end for me. It just meant endless 3 week cycles of misery. Sick stomach, diarrhea, and endless pills that were not curing me, just keeping me alive. And while that might be good enough for someone else, I knew it wasn't meant to be my story. I also knew that it was only keeping me alive until it was time for a new route, so every time I got a good scan it wold just be 3 more month of medicine and another scan to see who things were looking. Eventually it wold look bad again. It was only a matter of time. So I told Brad in January I wasn't hoping for a good scan, which was news to him. </span></p><p><span>When it was apparent things weren't taking a positive turn I quite taking all my meds. I was super excited to have an appetite again, and to start feeling well, but while medicine wasn't making me feeling WELL, I didn't account for the wait it wasn't making me sick. So almost immediately after getting off my meds I got much more tired, and it definitely took awhile for my appetite to come back. It sure it back in full force now, thanks to my steroids and several months of chemo pills, but it definitely took some time. </span></p><p><span>No only tit I start feeling worse, but my eye almost immediately started having problems. I basically only have one good eye now. When that happened I got pretty bummed. I know there is a plan and I will get through this, but the waiting suddenly seemed much harder when I lost an eye. No more driving (at least not for now. I don't really feel safe driving myself or my kids). I can't work on puzzles. It' shard to read, and for awhile it was really hard to do just about anything. I felt like I'd been given a handicap I could totally live with, and then had it ripped out of my hands. But, after my initial setup I realized that I'd been given a gift. Every time I've been in the "waiting" period, I've found a thousand ways to fill that time. And actually, I rarely accomplish the things I want to. The days get filled with all sorts of things."</span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span>This is a post Rachel didn't finish. I am keeping it the way it was. Preserved as a memory of her. </span></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-63901835057330374172022-11-22T03:57:00.005-08:002022-11-22T11:42:31.060-08:00What We All Have in Common<div class="separator"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Nj4_JHHuOls" width="320" youtube-src-id="Nj4_JHHuOls"></iframe></div><p>I've been thinking a lot this past year about 3 men that many are familiar with. But though I knew their stories well, I saw them differently this time around. First is Naaman, then Elijah, then Simon Peter. </p><p>There is so much I have known about the story of Naaman. How he was a celebrated leader, was asked to do something easy, was angry, did it anyway, and was cleansed. It's all beautiful. So many great lessons. But one of the first things that came to mind this time was, what if those with cancer had to leave their families and go live together in their sickness? I realized that it didn't matter how great of a leader he was, how rich and powerful he was, how much the king loved him, or what he had accomplished. He had leprosy. And if that didn't change, his whole world would. Regardless of his accomplishments and wealth, he would be a leper. That's it. His future would have changed dramatically.</p><p>Then there's Elijah. This year when we learned about Elijah was the first time I realized his experience with the still, small voice came after he brought fire down on the alter from heaven. He literally performed one of the most discussed miracles in the bible. It's almost funny how hard the priests of Baal worked to get an answer, and Elijah not only got an answer, but he flooded the alter with water so the only fire that could be lit had to come from God. But after all that, he still felt alone and he left, prepared to die. He KNEW God was part of his plan. He'd watched it. He'd provided a miracle. And he still doubted the Lord's ability to save him from the wrath of the queen. So God came and showed him, and reminded him that his answers are often quiet, and maybe not as grandiose as a fire from heaven.</p><p>Lastly of course, is Simon Peter. Again, I am very familiar with his story, and the story of him jumping out of the boat to walk on the water. But right now I am also very aware that the world is loud. Medically, I know my odds. They are not good. In fact, they are pretty terrible. Scientifically, I know how cancer works in the body and especially in the brain. And it's scary to defy that when the odds seem to be against me. But God is not. And as he asks me to proverbially walk on water, I am reminded that Peter was a fisherman. He worked on the sea every day. So he was very familiar with the water, the sea, the tide, the ups and downs of a life working in that environment. So how big must the waves have been to scare him? How hard must the wind have been blowing? He was ALREADY walking on the water. But as he looked around and could see what was closing in on him, he forgot that he was already doing it and that Jesus was with him. He just remembered that the sea was dangerous, and that's what he saw around him. I don't pretend to know what was happening that night. I just know that thought reminds me just how loud our fear can be when we are trying to listen to that still small voice. </p><p>I couldn't sleep last night as I thought about these 3 men. And what do they all have in common in my story? First is trust. Trusting God is as good as He promises He is, and trusting His plan for us individually. Not every leper was healed, but the Lord had more for Naaman to do. Elijah and Simon Peter both had missions and the Lord helped them get through their hard and learn to trust.</p><p>Second, all of these men had their doubts about their own circumstances. Naaman thought surely there should be a more grand expectation of him. Elijah thought his miracles were done and there was nothing left. And Peter saw the greatness of the sea, and forgot the greatness that had literally allowed him to do something impossible.</p><p>I have seen God work the impossible. My mom was on the ECMO (Heart/lung) machine to keep her alive. She was on it until the very last day the nurses said someone could "safely" be on the ECMO. She was in the hospital for 3 months because her journey wasn't about an immediate miracle. But she came home. She healed. And I know that wasn't just good medicine. Over and over as I watched her journey I saw God's hand. At one point a doctor told my dad that they needed everything to go right and nothing to go wrong because she was still very sick. Things definitely went wrong. But she is healthy and thriving because her journey wasn't over.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg96ZR-qLjRsoCkx5wA4jBt2X_QcQRuZ0_jkr5omtzo9xMNLJ5j-6Kn7htFsWdYmaVtacwz7l-oZq7YSfPZFcqB-FioM18YRtZhmLniSviECtIRJKudn1DbTbKLqRLP_jAbjP4K_rMuFNTocNDtMSiJwWuqfq0oDElaxSgCDAJ-2bIXZ_GucL6Mi2ZE/s2576/1C6545EF-15F2-4A6C-AC50-3282BD75AD67.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2576" data-original-width="1932" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg96ZR-qLjRsoCkx5wA4jBt2X_QcQRuZ0_jkr5omtzo9xMNLJ5j-6Kn7htFsWdYmaVtacwz7l-oZq7YSfPZFcqB-FioM18YRtZhmLniSviECtIRJKudn1DbTbKLqRLP_jAbjP4K_rMuFNTocNDtMSiJwWuqfq0oDElaxSgCDAJ-2bIXZ_GucL6Mi2ZE/s320/1C6545EF-15F2-4A6C-AC50-3282BD75AD67.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiitPrsTiCkr-TZCdJTV6OQyVTvq1PLGXlth8fP8Z7u9Fc9-k4Zuox9e54NmD9U_LhcU8NZzVfJdq_k0_GWujwDYowIv-6L3IGS1gIJzs5upp_eyxF9ChsLAlPUfGgMNCFhmbPMOXva04dpwJiyhsHSNaKax9JYxKKPyHMIDGxzsZPENppn0_nGZKKg/s4032/55ADDDEF-8FCE-4408-AE8C-2C18C7D4422B.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiitPrsTiCkr-TZCdJTV6OQyVTvq1PLGXlth8fP8Z7u9Fc9-k4Zuox9e54NmD9U_LhcU8NZzVfJdq_k0_GWujwDYowIv-6L3IGS1gIJzs5upp_eyxF9ChsLAlPUfGgMNCFhmbPMOXva04dpwJiyhsHSNaKax9JYxKKPyHMIDGxzsZPENppn0_nGZKKg/s320/55ADDDEF-8FCE-4408-AE8C-2C18C7D4422B.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhu-i9J9Em0hlS7LEcA0rN4-mJivV6r8z_0wVhBZRiY6ZyicMg7J0F0snHVgbekYxca9z7QMJJrkk2J45BLd8WGirnzq_hHV4EZ_Kr9wyymlZ7G4bfMtFOnMONCh4S5bnXKE5BVOyjzu3bL7Fy9-Ly6CC1DQSdEOR46U6nky5k3FgB0YCns4LL3ghb/s4032/FC4E01EC-7AC2-44B7-B47D-1F94AF104D73.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhu-i9J9Em0hlS7LEcA0rN4-mJivV6r8z_0wVhBZRiY6ZyicMg7J0F0snHVgbekYxca9z7QMJJrkk2J45BLd8WGirnzq_hHV4EZ_Kr9wyymlZ7G4bfMtFOnMONCh4S5bnXKE5BVOyjzu3bL7Fy9-Ly6CC1DQSdEOR46U6nky5k3FgB0YCns4LL3ghb/s320/FC4E01EC-7AC2-44B7-B47D-1F94AF104D73.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div></div>My aunt was on life support and everyone had given up on her. Two months later she was at Disney World visiting us. And honestly, I have never seen anyone so bright-eyed and bushy tailed after days at Disney. You would never have known the journey she had been on just a few months before.<p></p><br /> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuM8skkF_7TSQsJPnY7H2Q2Nv4eL4z6UuP1bAubkDMfQjfupDpDcRBMRlDbp6WHzTWabBgarf5L6VwuGFuGKS1FtW9pCtSon-NViUcXSWJQM3_WPIw0mYoW0j49Rn8uFJtKaDase_-fkusnBIjZg9PUif_ON8jqtDyTqxxNZocUt12ns2yrYYtFPY1/s1828/Screen%20Shot%202022-11-22%20at%202.27.49%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1270" data-original-width="1828" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuM8skkF_7TSQsJPnY7H2Q2Nv4eL4z6UuP1bAubkDMfQjfupDpDcRBMRlDbp6WHzTWabBgarf5L6VwuGFuGKS1FtW9pCtSon-NViUcXSWJQM3_WPIw0mYoW0j49Rn8uFJtKaDase_-fkusnBIjZg9PUif_ON8jqtDyTqxxNZocUt12ns2yrYYtFPY1/s320/Screen%20Shot%202022-11-22%20at%202.27.49%20PM.png" width="320" /></a><div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqAk-GIEcUt-jA4E8slRQkGenUPIKlxYIK9BBzf4RPtnz48c3NrKqrjWMlybESpEw0R7yxTjOA-SOSYEk-ZevYgAyBwteTN1F7wqqa1WW2POCjZyLThDQp19PO4WGO5EmI7S0Q_OI_Up7He_HDzyczqghOQ1BrPqFa0sCXteJgLAJx5n_0gSLMbkH2/s2066/Screen%20Shot%202022-11-22%20at%202.28.36%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1366" data-original-width="2066" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqAk-GIEcUt-jA4E8slRQkGenUPIKlxYIK9BBzf4RPtnz48c3NrKqrjWMlybESpEw0R7yxTjOA-SOSYEk-ZevYgAyBwteTN1F7wqqa1WW2POCjZyLThDQp19PO4WGO5EmI7S0Q_OI_Up7He_HDzyczqghOQ1BrPqFa0sCXteJgLAJx5n_0gSLMbkH2/s320/Screen%20Shot%202022-11-22%20at%202.28.36%20PM.png" width="320" /></a><br /><br /><p>Those are just the miracles I've seen on my own journey. I also know that I shouldn't still be alive if it weren't for miracles. I probably wouldn't have made it through the first night we called the ER if our good friend hadn't been in the right place at the right time to get us the help we needed. And to know how dire my circumstances were.</p><p>We've also all seen the miracles that come when we don't get the answer we're hoping for. Or the tragedy. Sometimes it's hard to not get what we think we want. Though honestly, I've learned that I don't think staying is the miracle. I think where we will all go is a MUCH happier place. But I want to be here with all those I love. I want to share the journey--the good and the hard--with them. And I want to do His will. I believe with all my heart in His plan. So I will keep looking to Him and walking on the water if that's what He wants. It's not easy. But I'll keep working at it. </p><p><br /></p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Let me walk upon the waters</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Wherever You would call me</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">And my faith will be made stronger</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">In the presence of my Savior</span></p><p><span style="font-size: x-small;">Song by Hillsong United</span> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div></div>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-22844635102314600422022-11-20T11:29:00.001-08:002022-11-20T11:38:34.717-08:00The Journey<p> It feels like I should be done by now, right? At least out of options. I keep thinking I've hit that point and then another option presents itself. But I'll get to that. And don't get me wrong. It's just that I believe this isn't it, and medical treatments for cancer aren't so great.</p><p>First of all, I realized maybe I should share what type of cancer I have. I have followed someone on social media that recently shared she has breast cancer. It drives me NUTS that she never. says what kind of cancer she has, because it matters if you know anything about cancer. And then I realized I never shared that either. So, in case you are wondering, I am Her2 Positive (HER2+), and here are some things you may not know about cancer unless you've been very directly involved:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>There are different types of cancer. With breast cancer it's typically tied to hormones. HER2+ is a protein and it has receptors, just like estrogen or progesterone cancers have receptors. There is Estrogen+ or Progesterone+ or Triple Negative (which is the absence of all hormones). Those aren't the only kinds, but they are typical. And treatment depends on the type of cancer and the type of hormones involved.</li><li>My cancer has metastasized to my brain, so I now have cancer in my brain, but it is actually breast cancer that has moved to my brain, not brain cancer. While there are enough similarities it kind of doesn't matter, it's still not the same thing. </li></ul><div>When I first found out I had Her2+ cancer I was told it was good news because it's very treatable. I knew that it was aggressive, but that it used to kill 95% of women who had it, and with targeted treatments now saves 95% of patients. But what I didn't know is that it's very common to have a recurrence (have the cancer come back) with HER2+ cancer. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was diagnosed in July of 2020. After my diagnosis I went through 6 rounds of chemo (once every 3 weeks) and then had a mastectomy in January of 2021. Radiation was also part of my plan but I opted not to get radiation. I wasn't super comfortable with the idea, and I was totally clear. In other words, they took out all the tissue and found no cancer. My Oncologist explained radiation was actually to avoid a local recurrence (cancer coming back in the breast area), and he said they could just do surgery. But it wouldn't help me avoid the cancer coming back anywhere else. Initially I had expanders put in for implants and then learned about Breast Implant Illness and decided that while some women have no symptoms, I'd rather not risk it and I had my expanders removed in April of 2021.</div><div><br /></div><div>I spent 8 months thinking I was free of cancer, and then in August of 2021 they found 3 spots in my brain that they believed was breast cancer. So at that point I was officially diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since that time this has been my journey:</div><div><br /></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Brain Surgery in October of 2021 to remove the 3 spots</li><li>Enhertu treatments every 3 weeks (a treatment to keep cancer from returning)</li><li>Radiation Therapy on my brain in April of 2022 after finding a spot that appeared to be cancerous.</li><li>Chemo pills that were started in July after finding more spots on my brain</li><li>Targeted Radiation treatments on 9 cancerous spots in November of 2022.</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><div>In between all of that have been countless MRIs and other scans to keep an eye on my cancer and figure out what's happening. Since I can't feel what's going on inside, it's really a surprise every time, and waiting is hard and scary. </div><div><br /></div><div>Currently I'm on chemo pills which make me tired and 2 of 3 weeks are pretty hard. I have very little appetite and feel nauseous often. The targeted radiation hopefully killed off any existing cancer in my head, though I can't get a scan until after the new year because radiation takes time. Targeted radiation ideally gets just the spots of cancer and possibly just around the outside. So maybe I won't have any cancer in my head soon? But I don't know. And really the chemo pills are the hard part. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was pretty happy when I found out there were 9 spots of cancer. Brad reminded me that the optimal number of spots is 0, and while he was definitely right, I had assumed I had SO many more spots. So 9 felt not too scary. That's the crazy world you're in when you have cancer... 9 spots sounds good!</div><div><br /></div><div>So that's the journey so far. There's been a lot in between. I keep thinking about my long walks in our old neighborhood and the countless prayers I said while walking, kneeling, laying in bed, and driving in the car. I think of all the beautiful blessings the Lord continues to give me, and all the times I've been assured He has a plan. I think of my fear, and the letting go, and I'm grateful for all He is teaching me, even though I don't love that I'm learning this way. </div><p></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-32386235759655562332022-09-07T09:28:00.005-07:002022-09-07T09:28:44.985-07:00The Pineapple Experiment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">About five years ago, we bought a pineapple and Brad planted the top in a little planter in front of our house. We weren't exactly sure what would happen, but it would at least make a nice little plant. We were not the best gardeners. Everything we attempted to grow was in pots, and we ended up with about 5 green beans, a handful of peppers, a bunch of basil, and one tomato. In fact, the "cute" little caterpillars we saw were actually not caterpillars at all and they ate all our tomato plants. Nonetheless, our little pineapple plant continued to grow. </span></div></div><p>From the time we first planted our pineapple we had a baby, moved twice, opened and closed a business, experienced a two-year (ongoing) battle with cancer, and so much more. Through it all, we've just had that little plant sitting on our front porch. And one day, we had a pineapple! I brought Devin home from school sick, and he was feverishly laying on my shoulder when I brought him in the house and he spied it through the front window. He was beyond excited. He came out of his feverish haze long enough to exclaim, "Mom! There's a PINEAPPLE!!" We were all excited our little experiment had worked, and the next day he shared it with our entire family on Marco Polo. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAXdZQljTeqttQR0sP15YKvCxBPN77vzKST0iiE4fhtP6dvarlTubA5zB0VP15y19-QOp-VIAG1pHcN_zvLpXk8YANtObKMEAQ9Zkk6sYrfL4LbLmmj4N5Y6WAlacunz_P4szpKtrZl9OVdYG_GCdkYZ9j6d3TUaKb9JhkJJ1HpQMgPC7zi8X0PCd/s1792/IMG_8854.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1792" data-original-width="828" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAXdZQljTeqttQR0sP15YKvCxBPN77vzKST0iiE4fhtP6dvarlTubA5zB0VP15y19-QOp-VIAG1pHcN_zvLpXk8YANtObKMEAQ9Zkk6sYrfL4LbLmmj4N5Y6WAlacunz_P4szpKtrZl9OVdYG_GCdkYZ9j6d3TUaKb9JhkJJ1HpQMgPC7zi8X0PCd/w93-h200/IMG_8854.PNG" width="93" /></a></p><p>When we moved, the pineapple plant was the only one we brought to the new house. Between the drive and its shallow roots, it was leaning a little when we got to the house. I had to put it into a new pot, and I wasn't sure it would survive, but I figured we'd give it a try. It didn't seem quite big enough to eat, so I thought I would give it some more time. Then we left for Utah, and I trusted the rain would give it enough water if it would make it. </p><p><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDuFDODNVssjl7IAtpXjJ6mbYPb9mv8dWH12i5mmxgGluAn8wDr-UHbTm-rxgnfqqFcC67iBRnft2LWOl5vbm7rGsIszWQpHY2tHJJtPWXe8VlbA8ADHmmvbTFzT63LRrtEvK-HIdx0GYYpCLbtU3u5LO_AnVkVnmI5wjuMhaXhgdnQxBK_JploDZx/w150-h200/IMG_8847.HEIC" style="text-align: center;" width="150" /></p><p>The morning we came back from Utah I went out to the front porch for some quiet time. I looked over and the pineapple was gone! Brad had checked on it the night before (which I didn't know) when we got home around 1am. So sometime in the middle of that very night, it was chopped off. What was even more heartbreaking was when Devin announced he was going to check on the pineapple and we had to tell him it was gone. I don't know what happened. I don't understand why someone would take it. I could have given someone money for a pineapple. It was really more about the time we spent, the excitement of m son, and the journey. That was taken away for a pineapple. I don't want to make assumptions. But there was no evidence it was an animal, and the cut was quite clean. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif9w_7h6DFc3XtWBbv_VwaBM3Al72GJtldUjoPgl8RBemLI7_z5gcdiAxjm5uwkvg4VvnOGmbEcgVBUkykKAnuxJYTwmXqHipkN7qConb6SPZAel7-XJh0Z9k1CBGuialX5Hx_VeWKCzLdKgOcrHNtc5NOESoTphdk08YNdZexFSdgXRyw9l7yVRyK/s4032/IMG_8848.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif9w_7h6DFc3XtWBbv_VwaBM3Al72GJtldUjoPgl8RBemLI7_z5gcdiAxjm5uwkvg4VvnOGmbEcgVBUkykKAnuxJYTwmXqHipkN7qConb6SPZAel7-XJh0Z9k1CBGuialX5Hx_VeWKCzLdKgOcrHNtc5NOESoTphdk08YNdZexFSdgXRyw9l7yVRyK/w150-h200/IMG_8848.HEIC" width="150" /></a></p><p>Ultimately, this post is not about the mystery of the pineapple. It's about what came to mind when I first saw it was gone. As I sat on the porch I looked over at that empty pineapple plant and I thought about the last five years and all that we've been through. I thought about the life we planned for ourselves and our kids. I thought about how we invest in our journey, only to find one day that our plans have been cut down and destroyed. That everything we have worked for is gone. That all the ways we expected things to go changed, and there's no going back. We can't regrow that pineapple. We can't bring back what was taken. And that's just what happens. </p><p>But, we can choose what to do next. I can dwell on the missing pineapple. Or. </p><p>We can plant a new pineapple. Our journey has been beautiful. We learned things during the time we opened and closed our store we could not have learned any other way. It was a journey that was so beautiful. I have learned things about aching, pain, sadness, hidden hard, that I never EVER would have learned if I didn't get cancer. I have been given a chance to be a mom and spend time with my family and live my life because of cancer in ways that I might not have with another illness. Our family has grown and our life has changed in ways that have been so full. </p><p>So, the missing pineapple was an ending. A sad one. That happens, probably more than we want. But, it is also a beginning of the next journey that we invest in, and we get to choose if it's beautiful in the great and the hard. That's what's amazing about life. We always have a choice.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyc3HqPbccWn6NtaFNX3jDx9AWnZhUqwr1ZQfYaYyE299TBjhq_tPPO0HfH22hxQsH9TwYfUZN0nXdd8Wr9LA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><p></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-76426178370215232962022-07-26T12:17:00.001-07:002022-07-26T12:17:17.993-07:00Life, Legacy, and the Journey<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day someone asked me, “What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want your children to know when you’re gone?” As I thought about it, my answer was that I wanted them to know that God is great. And He’s greater than cancer. </span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-3c423792-7fff-49de-75ce-8818247110ad"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I may not be able to grow plants, but I am really good at growing cancer, and I don’t even know how I’m doing it, but it’s back. And there isn’t really anything left for me medically but prolong the inevitable. I’m taking two different chemo pills, and I may get a few spots radiated to avoid Whole Brain Radiation, but I’m out of any other options. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you are thinking that I should try some holistic options, I have. If you think I should get a second opinion, I know what my options are right now. If you’re thinking maybe I should try more chemo, there are several reasons I would say that’s not an option, but honestly the biggest is that until God is done with me, cancer will keep coming back. My body so far hasn’t responded well to medicine. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Brad and I found some carpenter ants in a pot we had a tree in this summer. We poured ant poison in the dirt, and then moved the pot and covered the ground where we found more underneath. We hoped that we got them and they wouldn’t come back. I realized that’s exactly what we do for cancer. Once we find it we try to kill what we find, and we take out what we can from the source and hope for the best. But we can’t always tell where it’s coming from. They took my breasts, but the cancer had already moved to my brain. And how is it getting there? Nobody can say. Whether you take a holistic or medicinal approach, no one has all the answers. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wholeheartedly believe that our bodies are one of the most powerful ways God can talk to us and work with us. We don’t really appreciate what we have until we don’t. I also know that we are all different, so while there is often a “right” answer to our journey, God made each of us, and we are individuals.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is the most important thing I believe, that I’ve had a hard time saying out loud: I believe there is a path for me and I believe I’m not done here. As far as medicine is concerned that is not true. And I’ve often felt like I was crazy. For one, it’s not everyone’s answer. But I don’t feel like I’m meant to stay for me. I feel like I’m not done with what God needs for me to do. So is this scary? Yes. Do I wonder about my family? Everyday. But I know that if God has a plan, and if I’ve misunderstood and that doesn’t include me being here, then He definitely has a plan for my family.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I do feel so grateful for many things on this journey. The biggest is that I’ve been able to live the last few years. I haven’t been laying in a bed unable to be a mom and a wife. It’s strange to be so sick and not feel sick. But it’s allowed me to live. I don’t have a thousand things I feel like I need to check off my bucket list. I’ve lived a beautiful life. I’ve loved so many, and have been loved by so many. And I’m a wife and a mom. I plan to be here to watch my babies grow. But I know that I’m on a journey and ultimately I will see it through, and do my part all along the way. </span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-14547459716485468972022-07-05T18:55:00.000-07:002022-07-05T18:55:04.668-07:00Land that I Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG_LZazaK4IHuqqNuD70gVYNkE6S2JxYtMQkxlGs6s1-SMwyH6cUdWuFTHzrEqfSA7IUSpWpBd6Fd-TrZ2YgPx_k5f6wShBCH4WA-_DomAx1zP5Og4hJcQ22KRlRhTJbupvM8ybaXeTbM3JdRZf_Cye8TxhMD0lYYvKBNv8-gIEkxy8AOJRXzNpnKi/s4032/IMG_4482.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG_LZazaK4IHuqqNuD70gVYNkE6S2JxYtMQkxlGs6s1-SMwyH6cUdWuFTHzrEqfSA7IUSpWpBd6Fd-TrZ2YgPx_k5f6wShBCH4WA-_DomAx1zP5Og4hJcQ22KRlRhTJbupvM8ybaXeTbM3JdRZf_Cye8TxhMD0lYYvKBNv8-gIEkxy8AOJRXzNpnKi/s320/IMG_4482.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdruvmaBdfnFAnqoGqRowYg523TLx8flKXO-EWwKg6MJfDKI67t0TmsgqCuOYczL64Bc0IQuK3uN8O_YqcaKPnXe7gBgmBznB-oGKMf3Znwk9gGRlWcky9Qm9x7jS6f5q2hW_-85p81OdngE35brWOaauRddYJ7RawVLL5R7KhS93pgvbXvsZFbx4H/s4032/IMG_3911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdruvmaBdfnFAnqoGqRowYg523TLx8flKXO-EWwKg6MJfDKI67t0TmsgqCuOYczL64Bc0IQuK3uN8O_YqcaKPnXe7gBgmBznB-oGKMf3Znwk9gGRlWcky9Qm9x7jS6f5q2hW_-85p81OdngE35brWOaauRddYJ7RawVLL5R7KhS93pgvbXvsZFbx4H/s320/IMG_3911.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p style="text-align: right;"></p><p> I think I am not a crazy big fan of a lot of things. I don't have a favorite sports team. I don't love a particular band. I definitely lean more to one side than the other of politics, but I like to think I'm pretty open-minded. But I can say that I LOVE the United States of America, and I love celebrating the 4th of July. I still tear up when I hear the Star Spangled Banner and say the Pledge of Allegiance. It doesn't matter how much we struggle as humanity to get life right. We still live in a country that's pretty great. I haven't personally lived outside of our country. But I've known those who do (or have) and most would say we have it pretty great. In fact, I learned that there are people from another country that get cancer treatments at my office, because they literally won't survive if they just wait for their name to come up on a list.</p><p>I grew up in a place that knew how to celebrate the 4th of July. In fact, I have gone back to Utah most summers to celebrate with my family. I love all the booths at the Centerville park, the concert and firework show, the beautiful (and sometimes super hot) Utah weather, the parade (and children's parade), the fun run, and the family time mixed in. Utah in the summer is magical to me. It's nice and cool in the evenings and mornings, and hot but dry in the daytime. I usually see good friends along with all my family. I love it. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhcSN3r2q-_W2KuPT9FdWOHO7zW4DcLeMgVw4CicB_5yI42nMqW0-fX1D3r1qqlul4G4ibX_XFsCrS45RIe0THGlFJmwYNe9V5xaHiKwKUuhWyq_zwC8ojqqedZfuYHVuOjZ5ESblAEGLVG91PiLF8fN-BeQigK8_95ZzNpTgRBRAJbgIUM52nWhXB/s3036/IMG_7387.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3036" data-original-width="2227" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhcSN3r2q-_W2KuPT9FdWOHO7zW4DcLeMgVw4CicB_5yI42nMqW0-fX1D3r1qqlul4G4ibX_XFsCrS45RIe0THGlFJmwYNe9V5xaHiKwKUuhWyq_zwC8ojqqedZfuYHVuOjZ5ESblAEGLVG91PiLF8fN-BeQigK8_95ZzNpTgRBRAJbgIUM52nWhXB/s320/IMG_7387.jpg" width="235" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-zb28oHVOAV0rkGFoxSG4yeuK2rMbsADtfHhYjy4owZAYhXM-SIK4LBGNush7LdciVYl5UTTroUbwgwwD71FiTm8Zt1egYrzTVeqa-ChPxItsyscLGG8ASIALhAt6gQoPjBR7cHX6fe5c9uKNxjMAmm_9EGwIRruX700Jc2wWgjb4JCAzps2-wPIi/s4032/IMG_1123.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-zb28oHVOAV0rkGFoxSG4yeuK2rMbsADtfHhYjy4owZAYhXM-SIK4LBGNush7LdciVYl5UTTroUbwgwwD71FiTm8Zt1egYrzTVeqa-ChPxItsyscLGG8ASIALhAt6gQoPjBR7cHX6fe5c9uKNxjMAmm_9EGwIRruX700Jc2wWgjb4JCAzps2-wPIi/s320/IMG_1123.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfuLz3OIsv_bw-ZJ_Ln0fXlmBF3KNn_HsGKxdEoxn7xtEW2SwEJbztIqrAyzjDzjklXkZcMf63BKCfYLrHY_7q-zyQRT6PA6vaYpSjKNHNU5DJlCn71Yt0mrYFQD9BqVs23aWNOZHuBG_Gow1VFfQJp0CnW4AHfcoIlKBwX-MspnKDbY-THnZdK_3k/s4032/IMG_1099.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfuLz3OIsv_bw-ZJ_Ln0fXlmBF3KNn_HsGKxdEoxn7xtEW2SwEJbztIqrAyzjDzjklXkZcMf63BKCfYLrHY_7q-zyQRT6PA6vaYpSjKNHNU5DJlCn71Yt0mrYFQD9BqVs23aWNOZHuBG_Gow1VFfQJp0CnW4AHfcoIlKBwX-MspnKDbY-THnZdK_3k/s320/IMG_1099.JPG" width="240" /></a></div></div>When we first moved to Florida I was a little bummed that people don't celebrate like they do in Utah. I still don't really understand. I know it's hot. But in Florida, we know how to handle the heat! But it seems like most celebrating happens indoors, with fireworks at night. Luckily, Winter Garden knows how to celebrate! We went to the children's parade several years ago, so we decided to do that again this year. My favorite quote was when Devin said, "It's really hot, Mom. It <i>sounded fun</i> to go to the children's parade." That morning Brad was sick, I just learned there was a huge fire on the mountain in Centerville, the boys were cranky from being up too late, and my health is not what I thought it would be," so part of me was thinking, Happy Birthday America! What a day this is shaping up to be! But, I wanted to make the most of it, and all those feelings melted away as I listened to someone sing our national anthem and I said the Pledge of Allegiance. I was so touched by so many who came out to celebrate and all chose to walk in the Children's Parade together. Yes, it was hot. But, it was magical to celebrate. <p></p><p>Later that day we had a little pool time, made homemade ice cream, and joined some friends for an epic home firework show. The boys even got to do some sparklers. I'll be honest, I'm pretty sure sparklers are more stressful to me than any other firework, and I'm not sure who decided it was smart to give kids flaming metal rods to play with, but my kids definitely loved them, so you know, we'll probably let them have some next year too.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0wVbVU7bNe4k3bInm8A3HGaV3HtSzQmd-UUjfyiDhL3XLv2hrUW5uoPS-vSQDnjNDsyD0LFTljIQ2Ng5VA0OfD3DDgItmNtDwHicej4Ch3WT-VzAqbZ26zLuCfsNzazYC0UZANpgAR61qDWStXZA_KQVSlVVS5C4846GsrrAEcqjFffgdU_zH8VJQ/s3585/IMG_7427.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1588" data-original-width="3585" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0wVbVU7bNe4k3bInm8A3HGaV3HtSzQmd-UUjfyiDhL3XLv2hrUW5uoPS-vSQDnjNDsyD0LFTljIQ2Ng5VA0OfD3DDgItmNtDwHicej4Ch3WT-VzAqbZ26zLuCfsNzazYC0UZANpgAR61qDWStXZA_KQVSlVVS5C4846GsrrAEcqjFffgdU_zH8VJQ/s320/IMG_7427.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlaFDoiAyVWM3MYS9AEB7-AmBVjNdoDd34_tHixzClw4k8Y1MOeqKNjsy1kSPqCO35JnLdBtHrVuBQ5v5VicBzb248PGXxRiaCvXPT-ApBm7-RfGtorMEVUIVY5X0btZHNOUr20FV-atS34PrGctfiK50r9BiI1Ya37quzyvgOUhWTIZBdnfIXw5T/s4032/C60A37A8-22E7-4EFF-983E-A411062F9239.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlaFDoiAyVWM3MYS9AEB7-AmBVjNdoDd34_tHixzClw4k8Y1MOeqKNjsy1kSPqCO35JnLdBtHrVuBQ5v5VicBzb248PGXxRiaCvXPT-ApBm7-RfGtorMEVUIVY5X0btZHNOUr20FV-atS34PrGctfiK50r9BiI1Ya37quzyvgOUhWTIZBdnfIXw5T/s320/C60A37A8-22E7-4EFF-983E-A411062F9239.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOjreT2EbEoAGg8Z0b8qHyOz-vOH7soTXjnBCprn00_MbbYonyaSxKW2fHdvD2QCgUYWNVxpXS5xnRaAGE6g4SaqF15wyQWMnu60Io4wFHazjC3AeW70HCD167RtLS9bR2ok2rNbrNoFBKoF7kPBcnXV7Av0HcOJxP2V-fLF-gGADd8s5BM8Gy5Rh/s1280/IMG_3933.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOjreT2EbEoAGg8Z0b8qHyOz-vOH7soTXjnBCprn00_MbbYonyaSxKW2fHdvD2QCgUYWNVxpXS5xnRaAGE6g4SaqF15wyQWMnu60Io4wFHazjC3AeW70HCD167RtLS9bR2ok2rNbrNoFBKoF7kPBcnXV7Av0HcOJxP2V-fLF-gGADd8s5BM8Gy5Rh/s320/IMG_3933.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />I'm grateful we celebrated. I'm grateful my kids see that celebrating our freedoms in important. I love the quote, "Home of the free because of the brave". I'm so grateful for all those who have made those freedoms possible, some from my own family. I want my kids to recognize freedom is important, and we choose it every day. We will never be perfect, but we can keep working on being a little better every day.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTYH4FVYT06C1zGGxuVZQxqgTHEEUFgt2pdxew0iBM5cF6A5q7nFmwhg26HFOu9GapZzzfcNVtgZW-CrM87OsC8vUSb5gEafrLBpTkNC-KRatFIG7My3s1NUVQ6j14JqWmv4QChYGAvFKaI6Nq9MoKYonTOEM2-01Lzf2xsqQFN7wBXFAAtnP7IdKH/s4032/IMG_8504.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTYH4FVYT06C1zGGxuVZQxqgTHEEUFgt2pdxew0iBM5cF6A5q7nFmwhg26HFOu9GapZzzfcNVtgZW-CrM87OsC8vUSb5gEafrLBpTkNC-KRatFIG7My3s1NUVQ6j14JqWmv4QChYGAvFKaI6Nq9MoKYonTOEM2-01Lzf2xsqQFN7wBXFAAtnP7IdKH/s320/IMG_8504.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpIpkaoVjORU5Jm6TXGkciSYnJNfCJoHvNzeaSt2Ykls52XfHlkL4NLULW_S75i-H9eE-RH4KfzUogAK9dNDMKaCnwSZZc0MNkpZe8q-ddQ6dujTJs4r7aThH85ktXbvZ7eoep1zj46_gjgFAGay_vEJzVfzGFx4CxT8MWZUWdSDQDfjKw9t-QRoo8/s1828/IMG_8499.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-53426788876945583262022-04-21T00:36:00.002-07:002022-04-21T14:33:58.829-07:00The Middle<p> I felt like I needed to step away from Social Media and from sharing for a bit. And for the most part, even if I stop in on Social Media I don't stay there. I also am not sure I'm ready to share a whole lot yet. But someone the other day said, "We never hear about 'the middle'. We always hear about how someone's testimony has been strengthened after the fact, or how the miracle took place and what it looks like now. But we don't hear about the crisis that comes in the middle, or the hard stuff as it's happening." (I seriously don't remember where I heard this, but it didn't come from me). </p><p>When I heard this I thought about the fact that I'm not having a crisis of faith. Maybe the opposite. But, I definitely am in the middle (and also, maybe we don't want to hear about the middle until after the fact because we want to know it all worked out. We like seeing the middle as a blip, rather than part of the journey when we didn't know the end of the story). </p><p>I used to run my tongue over my braces as I lay in bed at night, wondering what it would feel like to feel real teeth since it seemingly would never happen, and I realized I'm in that place now. I wonder what it's like to put food in my mouth without labeling it. I wonder what it's like to take my kids to school and not think about what it would be like for them to have another mom. Or my husband to have a new wife. And while I don't stay there, they are real questions that I never thought I would be asking myself.</p><p>But even though I wonder about those things, I also wonder what the person in line with me is at the doctor for. I wonder if the car is front of me is rushing off to a hospital or just found out someone died. I smile at the kids who tell me their Ya Ya got the ultimate healing when she died from cancer. I ask them what kind and they don't know because to them it's just "cancer", and I don't tell them that I know a lot more about cancer than they realize. I don't want to be that face for them. I don't tell people that I've had brain surgery and a mastectomy. They can't see that. And that's ok. They don't need to see that. I'm not the only one who's carrying hard. Sometimes it feels less hard than a constant battle with depression, or even daily doses of pain. Ultimately I'm learning to accept my story, and the trickiest part is leaning into what God intended for me and surrendering to His story.</p><p>I just read a quote by EE Cummings that said, "To be notbody-but yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself-means to fight and never stop fighting." I read that in a Brene Brown book, after which she said, "'Staying real' is one of the most courageous battles we'll ever fight."</p><p>I've heard some people say they are surprised at what I've shared on social media because it's not everyone else's business. And it's true. So I'm sharing it here and hopefully the people who care will read it. And I was the person that invited 500 of my closest friends and family to my wedding because I love them all. Whether that love is returned, it is genuinely felt. So while I don't want to share my life with everyone, I'm okay with sharing some pieces of me, and saying that I'm afraid to be imperfect. I'm afraid to make mistakes, And I'm realizing that I trust God with my whole heart, but sometimes I struggle to trust myself. And maybe someone else is feeling that too.</p><p>I've had more than one friend say, "I'm so impressed with your faith right now. I'm not sure I would do the same thing you have done." Honestly, I've leaned into God because I would do that with anything in my life. So in that way-yes-I'm leaning into my faith, and that is a natural response. But also, it's my life, very literally. It's my kids. It's my family. And where else can I turn? What else can I do? So many that I know would absolutely do the same. And some wouldn't. I don't understand that. Not because I think they are wrong to figure out what gets them through. It is a heavy thing to make choices that literally affects my existence in this world and that would be hard for anyone. But for me, trusting there is a God who loves me is what gets me through every day. It's what allows me to trust that my kids and my husband will be okay no matter what happens to me. If He wants me here, I will be here, But ultimately, He has a plan for them, whatever His plan is for me (by the way, that's way easier to say than it is to live, but I believe it).</p><p>All that said, I feel like God has been very direct to me. I believe that He's already performed incredible miracles on my behalf. I probably shouldn't still be alive. Even though I've leaned into my faith, He's also given me VERY direct answers. And that's the biggest reason I want to say that I TRUST HIM. But I have struggled to trust myself, that I will Hear him. And finally, I've learned to surrender. Which doesn't mean I am getting this all right. Sometimes I still try to do it my way. But I've learned to hold onto the plan He has for me. I've been learning about the Exodus and one thing I heard today was the fact that God has already saved us, and now asks us to obey and trust. Too often we expect to obey and then ask to be saved. I realized I have done that SO much. God has shown me over and over that this is not in my control. No matter how I eat or what I do for myself, this is out of my hands. That doesn't mean I shouldn't take care of myself, but it does mean that He wants me to trust Him, not just me and all the voices around me. We are all different. I can't control cancer away, or make it better. I used to think just a change in diet and making better choices could heal me. It can't. I think cancer attacks us from many different angles, and He's the one that knows My story. It's not my job to know everyone's or what everyone else should do... just me. I'm His. I love the way the Children of Israel kept thinking they were led away to die in the wilderness. I used to think they were so ridiculous for not trusting when God delivered them, fed them, gave them water when they were thirsty, etc. But I know that's me! Every day I have to trust all over again and remember all He's already done. </p><p>Okay, that was a lot. But there are just a few things I have learned 'in the middle' I want to capture:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Everyone is carrying their "hard", so be kind. I don't know what anyone else is carrying, but it's hard too! I'm learning to trust that everyone has their journey, so my job is to be kind. I have no idea what their perceptions are but God loves ALL of us.</li><li>Be authentic! I feel like I've spent my life doing what everyone else wants, or trying to just be what others needed. I always tried to be authentic, but maybe I haven't always been totally true to myself. Sometime's it's hard when people seem to want you to agree with them. Also, when you have a disease, everyone has an opinion on what you should do. It's sometimes hard to hear my own voice and God's voice when I'm carrying everyone else's fears, not just my own.</li><li>TRUST! I have to trust myself, but also God. He has delivered, He can deliver, and He will.</li><li>Nothing is all good or all bad. God made us. He knows what we're capable of and what our bodies are capable of. That doesn't mean science is wrong. But we are also all individuals.</li><li>We can't see the full picture. So we have to trust the one who does.</li></ul><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I hope I haven't said too much, or too little. I think it's important not to over-share. And I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one going through something big. But somehow, I hope that my desire to trust might help someone else too. And it's part of being myself. Being willing to be vulnerable. To say I make mistakes and to be okay with that. And to help others know it's ok that we screw up sometimes. It's all part of the journey. Someone called this life "practice", and I liked that. We are practicing, and somedays we are rocking it, and somedays we just get through. But it's all part of the journey.</div><p></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-19729130401453023082021-01-02T05:11:00.004-08:002021-01-02T05:11:34.472-08:00New Year's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTyrHGR4-u9tp20M39R_MVvUhi2PgOfNi0SuHanjsxznvYve3GSIwu_2QkS8_0OV-BWvwBrzwa4OeF2cMzQiaIIYuknAb_ZcDMcG84UYOBZiLc6i671vrLUlxxbJcF2ewxI7KGRmdk-PM/s2048/IMG_0500.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTyrHGR4-u9tp20M39R_MVvUhi2PgOfNi0SuHanjsxznvYve3GSIwu_2QkS8_0OV-BWvwBrzwa4OeF2cMzQiaIIYuknAb_ZcDMcG84UYOBZiLc6i671vrLUlxxbJcF2ewxI7KGRmdk-PM/s320/IMG_0500.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p> </p><p>I decided to take my parents to Saint Augustine over New Year's. I love the history and charm, and I thought they would really enjoy it too. I did not realize that the rest of the country loves to visit Saint Augustine that same weekend. It was CROWDED!! Luckily, many activities are completely outdoors and have lots of space for so many visitors. The activities we chose (the lighthouse and the Fountain of Youth) were perfect for our littles and for the rest of us, with lots of space to run around and play while also learning about the oldest city in America.</p><p>The trip was wonderful. I was blessed to have enough energy to enjoy the trip, and since we had to plan in some rest times for the kids, it was easy for me to make sure I got in some rest time as well. </p><p>While the rest of the trip was sweet and enjoyable, the real magic happened on New Year's Day. My mom wanted to sneak in one more quick walk on the beach before leaving, so I snuck out the door with her around 7:30am, hoping for a few quiet moments to enjoy the rest of the sunrise. </p><p>I was expecting the beach to be pretty empty. Since everyone stays up late on New Year's Eve, it seemed unlikely they would be jumping out of bed in the morning. The scene that greeted me as we stepped over the dunes was surprising. The orange sun was still climbing and partially covered with clouds. Mist created an ethereal feeling all around. People were standing and sitting along the ocean's edge-two or three together-as far as the eye could see, all facing the sun and looking out as if the crest of each wave was carrying their dreams of the new year into shore. Seeing the figures cloaked in mist along the shore deepened the feeling of anticipation, and the word that came to mind was <i>hope.</i> As we all gathered along the shore, we were connected by a hope for the days ahead, and a belief in the good that is coming. </p><p>I was feeling guilty for leaving the boys behind so we started back to the condo, and as we got closer I suddenly heard "MOMMY!!!", and saw Brad standing at the shoreline and my two beautiful little boys running toward me. I was grateful for the few quiet moments of contemplation, and then overcome with gratitude for these three souls that are sharing this journey with me. There has been good, hard, scary, heartbreaking, joyful, and everything in between this year, and we have weathered them all together. I felt such joy for the opportunity to share this life with them, and for the hope I have in them, and our path together this coming year. </p><p>I love the experience of each new year. I can't say I'm amazing at resolutions. But I love creating goals, hopes, and a new focus for the new year. This year I've decided my word is Healing. Here is to healing our hearts, our bodies, and our spirits in 2021. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-45098518265474363792020-10-05T18:26:00.000-07:002020-10-05T18:26:46.357-07:00From Diagnosis to Treatment<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf_EZeNYFGQJ2IF_nQty_MQ3nhCkThxur2sByh2HK7lsLcUFzO6-yM20lq_Z-23HuupznJUNA-iyuLCZDgfpfKlwGcSGoTaBxUCWryoR2MsCDdiAR7touiOp9ZG1hfz2Kic3Op0wCs3qo/s3024/70461849-7FA1-4197-A69B-29CFE33DA965.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf_EZeNYFGQJ2IF_nQty_MQ3nhCkThxur2sByh2HK7lsLcUFzO6-yM20lq_Z-23HuupznJUNA-iyuLCZDgfpfKlwGcSGoTaBxUCWryoR2MsCDdiAR7touiOp9ZG1hfz2Kic3Op0wCs3qo/s320/70461849-7FA1-4197-A69B-29CFE33DA965.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">My rock who has been there for it all</span></div><br />My friend Erica turned to me one day as we were driving and said, "Rachel! Stop telling me how to solve my problem. I know there is a solution, and I actually know what it is, but right now I just want you to listen while I vent about the fact that it sucks!" <p></p><p>I learned two things about myself that day. First, my listening skills needed some work. Second, I realized fixing was always in my nature. While we all need to wallow about life from time to time, my go to response to a problem is to make it right whatever it takes. And that is great when there is a clear and defined path leading to a solution. But much more challenging when the answer is that ever familiar "Be still and know that I am God", or "You'll know when it's the right thing", or you know, anything that requires patience and listening (there's that whole <i>listening </i>thing again...). </p><p>The initial stage of cancer diagnosis drove the fixer in me into weeks of adrenaline fueled life that left me wrecked by the time chemo came around. Unfortunately, life on adrenaline isn't something I ever recognize until later. I just thought I was managing, planning, taking care of what I needed to and trying to eat as healthy as I could. Then one day I realized I didn't know the last time I'd felt hungry, or tired, or aware of my body's needs. I'd already lost 5 pounds, I was suddenly getting nauseous, and treatments hadn't even begun. Yikes.</p><p>Living with something growing inside my body was clearly not working well for me. And then treatment was delayed because I don't fit into the traditional mold of American healthcare. After my doctor worked some magic, a date was finally set and things were in motion. Awesome. And also terrifying. We've all heard of chemo. We all hope and pray that it's not us that has to do it, and I pray even more it will never be my loved ones. </p><p>My mom flew into town about a week before chemo started and I was so grateful to have her here with us. I was much more of a wreck than I even knew, and she jumped right in helping out with the boys, the house, and getting things in order. Knowing diet was a concern for me, she also ordered the Cancer Fighting Cookbook so she had an arsenal of tips and recipes that might be helpful during chemo, and she was a really good sport about trying to keep up with my daily updates on which new diet I thought would be best to follow. One day it was Keto, the next it was plant based, and some days I just felt like I should just not worry about it and deal with that after treatments (but remember how I'm a fixer? So yeah, that last one was never going to work).</p><p>Despite the intensity August brought, there were daily reminders of goodness that filled my cup to overflowing. My mom and dear friend Ashlee schemed and created a plan to bring in bread donations to the store as a birthday surprise. About 2 days before my birthday we suddenly started seeing familiar names buying up loaves of bread by the tens and even occasionally hundreds. I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude. I also started receiving unexpected packages and gifts filled with things to encourage and support me on my journey. While many of these came from close family and friends, we also had customers from our store that brought Brad things to share with me. One customer asked how we were doing, and then asked if he could pray for me. Brad of course said yes, and he stood right there in our store and offered a prayer in my behalf. As if all that wasn't enough, a few days after my first chemo, I opened my phone to find a GoFundMe that was started by dear friends from work, and they had already raised $6k, that was also for donations to go toward our store (it was just for a couple of weeks, so it's no longer open. I wanted to mention that since a few people had asked). I opened the link and just ugly cried. There were so many friends I had worked with that were so generous, along with complete strangers. The goodness just overwhelmed me.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiofhTaqaAckvDghB5ciGmeWZDJ0E0fdVTSVjSFQszbfd8oSvxBgtizEnjIrFMAmwshKPYhU-2r6K6jEPmdxjhNsqiAdQnGmyAlgl4NAwLaj_gdaAWXUsuYYADdCtO_a3796xxZpFj7zLM/s4032/IMG_2315.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiofhTaqaAckvDghB5ciGmeWZDJ0E0fdVTSVjSFQszbfd8oSvxBgtizEnjIrFMAmwshKPYhU-2r6K6jEPmdxjhNsqiAdQnGmyAlgl4NAwLaj_gdaAWXUsuYYADdCtO_a3796xxZpFj7zLM/w320-h240/IMG_2315.HEIC" title="Thank you post for the birthday bread" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Picture we used for the thank you post for </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">bread donations</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnYsVz3oBowuCK4ClEQ5iqan6AvYWMGbSJVJB5sRiuwwabUYzhPqYZjfPPlKHt7bHBxCCoB0qG4WbPD3dDrlO8n603bjviVPEv_8t9chThrbtVtrUeUkY7cZTncFhMgp4Inv7KJRcI6wc/s3088/IMG_2215.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnYsVz3oBowuCK4ClEQ5iqan6AvYWMGbSJVJB5sRiuwwabUYzhPqYZjfPPlKHt7bHBxCCoB0qG4WbPD3dDrlO8n603bjviVPEv_8t9chThrbtVtrUeUkY7cZTncFhMgp4Inv7KJRcI6wc/s320/IMG_2215.HEIC" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">A little birthday gift from my brother</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: center;">By the time treatment came along, I was as ready as I could be. Nervous, and unsure what the coming days would bring. But ready. That morning I opened the first link on my chain of inspiration (one part of the bonus package my sister and her family put together for me). The first quote on the chain was, "Can't go over it, can't go under it, you have to go through it," from The Bear Hunt. Perfect. Light. Simple and even a little silly based on the origin. Full of truth.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFKaFqbes1211T5UmwtgNf_m54-WRc9HLTXg9cdmbz29H0RHGWyDTIjrE7VJVW8cisqqt3BB8JtmMkOldOe37p76L7_MMgEtnBJ9Uq6A-imv2KhHgPg2z6W1nvaDm5acH05dOHEE85ozU/s4032/IMG_2326.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFKaFqbes1211T5UmwtgNf_m54-WRc9HLTXg9cdmbz29H0RHGWyDTIjrE7VJVW8cisqqt3BB8JtmMkOldOe37p76L7_MMgEtnBJ9Uq6A-imv2KhHgPg2z6W1nvaDm5acH05dOHEE85ozU/s320/IMG_2326.HEIC" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRRVBmqlliUT6-2lHwUNKoUbaK9tIjP2FS3MHHh-VItiwOIs4Xmq5waFrz442XKzAO0HS7tRqea0Bp0seC1u8D0uVKHeDGra1VsWmLP8ntDbi96hsxClhwrNGNOcQopP3totfm9mEFuuo/s1800/B8CD5B6E-4507-4C13-B08F-D13855028912.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRRVBmqlliUT6-2lHwUNKoUbaK9tIjP2FS3MHHh-VItiwOIs4Xmq5waFrz442XKzAO0HS7tRqea0Bp0seC1u8D0uVKHeDGra1VsWmLP8ntDbi96hsxClhwrNGNOcQopP3totfm9mEFuuo/s320/B8CD5B6E-4507-4C13-B08F-D13855028912.jpg" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Day 1 of Chemo</span></p><p>Going through it is hard. Some days it feels totally doable. Some days I still wonder how this could really be my life. Some days I know for sure God knew this was meant to be my trial. Most days it's really hard that I can't "fix" this overnight. It's a marathon, not a sprint. I have months ahead, and even a lifetime to make sure I heal right, and I heal for good. But I'm grateful I'm not fixing it alone. In fact, I am reminded every day my life is in his hands. </p><a aria-label="Photo - Portrait - Aug 27, 2020, 8:59:12 AM" class="p137Zd" href="https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipND7bqAfIJtwAKjmNarh2zC_sPH6o-m-tUxUpPR" jsaction="click:eQuaEb;focus:AHmuwe; blur:O22p3e;" tabindex="0"><div class="RY3tic" data-latest-bg="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ofdczwcVT4uvskVqxEHPLVE8fK7xsSXJB9ERVaPcwDvpV7oPCj_4QhX_OMA0Z_uvzU6ynUt5D5NxitDCX0G2ANoiYpXptjB6X2lUgWmkXp3B9PZMt6OpZgDjJQ5I9s5y9azVKqYpMtbkAMXSL9YWms0FFeOWq2dbzvlEFd9ZJaeKto5DodTpUTXF22v5UfMarvw6R6gFh1ahtxZyMvKMpKTTh_LgpHbM7PvuQfLwv7JJ75v2NvJp6j0WM6xpqntbKcCwwJ7OpMaAUc-CZPGDiyp8FdkDD1n4yfZ8jTYUfbVc5YTMHSKjf3l6x6qKNkF2ASbaHe9DIt7RTYdXC5C_E4zP3QveKYMj3FR5aRYvppqm0jrUzUUlzKIWLEafpTIpLej_m6mJyRB065gESANnFDrxXhR_-uINdIo-JwPAMHARaJmkaxjaMdv3d-T6plJbflvm2PcsteAI0TMJ3X1MKoSaMF3y-oF7EowqGkx2rdvQ07Xu5RhO1n1ShYvWSZaCTtV4T7z4DDyVLsZ3QqujrK9KLF-Q4VEBypcD1dtsheDNAQi8b7LI7Fm6zpjvbN8skXjgiBj8exednnzgHYGZUrrB5jOAjPW49ZnpL4Vi6vGY_ZNHd9IL-Q6RnS9w3pGgH9vxvy7ZWCDpBhae7dYgCm0Mf647h_OPNu_x318kId767IOe9cn9w43XRzzX-g=w161-h202-no?authuser=0" style="background-image: url("https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ofdczwcVT4uvskVqxEHPLVE8fK7xsSXJB9ERVaPcwDvpV7oPCj_4QhX_OMA0Z_uvzU6ynUt5D5NxitDCX0G2ANoiYpXptjB6X2lUgWmkXp3B9PZMt6OpZgDjJQ5I9s5y9azVKqYpMtbkAMXSL9YWms0FFeOWq2dbzvlEFd9ZJaeKto5DodTpUTXF22v5UfMarvw6R6gFh1ahtxZyMvKMpKTTh_LgpHbM7PvuQfLwv7JJ75v2NvJp6j0WM6xpqntbKcCwwJ7OpMaAUc-CZPGDiyp8FdkDD1n4yfZ8jTYUfbVc5YTMHSKjf3l6x6qKNkF2ASbaHe9DIt7RTYdXC5C_E4zP3QveKYMj3FR5aRYvppqm0jrUzUUlzKIWLEafpTIpLej_m6mJyRB065gESANnFDrxXhR_-uINdIo-JwPAMHARaJmkaxjaMdv3d-T6plJbflvm2PcsteAI0TMJ3X1MKoSaMF3y-oF7EowqGkx2rdvQ07Xu5RhO1n1ShYvWSZaCTtV4T7z4DDyVLsZ3QqujrK9KLF-Q4VEBypcD1dtsheDNAQi8b7LI7Fm6zpjvbN8skXjgiBj8exednnzgHYGZUrrB5jOAjPW49ZnpL4Vi6vGY_ZNHd9IL-Q6RnS9w3pGgH9vxvy7ZWCDpBhae7dYgCm0Mf647h_OPNu_x318kId767IOe9cn9w43XRzzX-g=w161-h202-no?authuser=0"), url("https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ofdczwcVT4uvskVqxEHPLVE8fK7xsSXJB9ERVaPcwDvpV7oPCj_4QhX_OMA0Z_uvzU6ynUt5D5NxitDCX0G2ANoiYpXptjB6X2lUgWmkXp3B9PZMt6OpZgDjJQ5I9s5y9azVKqYpMtbkAMXSL9YWms0FFeOWq2dbzvlEFd9ZJaeKto5DodTpUTXF22v5UfMarvw6R6gFh1ahtxZyMvKMpKTTh_LgpHbM7PvuQfLwv7JJ75v2NvJp6j0WM6xpqntbKcCwwJ7OpMaAUc-CZPGDiyp8FdkDD1n4yfZ8jTYUfbVc5YTMHSKjf3l6x6qKNkF2ASbaHe9DIt7RTYdXC5C_E4zP3QveKYMj3FR5aRYvppqm0jrUzUUlzKIWLEafpTIpLej_m6mJyRB065gESANnFDrxXhR_-uINdIo-JwPAMHARaJmkaxjaMdv3d-T6plJbflvm2PcsteAI0TMJ3X1MKoSaMF3y-oF7EowqGkx2rdvQ07Xu5RhO1n1ShYvWSZaCTtV4T7z4DDyVLsZ3QqujrK9KLF-Q4VEBypcD1dtsheDNAQi8b7LI7Fm6zpjvbN8skXjgiBj8exednnzgHYGZUrrB5jOAjPW49ZnpL4Vi6vGY_ZNHd9IL-Q6RnS9w3pGgH9vxvy7ZWCDpBhae7dYgCm0Mf647h_OPNu_x318kId767IOe9cn9w43XRzzX-g=w58-h72-k-rw-no?authuser=0"); opacity: 1;"><div aria-hidden="true" class="eGiHwc"></div><div aria-hidden="true" class="KYCEmd"></div></div></a><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-53644272073468866852020-09-25T17:56:00.002-07:002020-09-25T17:56:52.518-07:00To Devin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAZlKXXzco3EyDBXC2C8JxB3UHli30nGk6uJLGeQMcBU7noxMJnpEsDSflkqdjX1MrBuXLrNk9FuZ7RRjCXFsHBo5D-nnhFcA6kGQXwrtfEVM-j5vygVn-yJ5-lG6MnXDhT6lX1Gh12jI/s4032/IMG_2299.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAZlKXXzco3EyDBXC2C8JxB3UHli30nGk6uJLGeQMcBU7noxMJnpEsDSflkqdjX1MrBuXLrNk9FuZ7RRjCXFsHBo5D-nnhFcA6kGQXwrtfEVM-j5vygVn-yJ5-lG6MnXDhT6lX1Gh12jI/s320/IMG_2299.HEIC" /></a></div><p> My Sweet Devy Dev,</p><p>It's been a long time since I've written just to you. Life has been a crazy intense roller coaster, and I haven't been able to document all the beautiful things that have come along the way I wish I could. But today, I needed to share with you, for you, what you've done for my heart. </p><p>When I found out I had cancer, the scariest part was wondering if I would have to leave you and Davey behind. I trust God and His plan. But, the thought of not getting to see you grow up is a lot for a mama heart to take. Being your mom has been the most beautiful journey, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I can't wait to see what you'll do with your life! And worrying you might not know just how much I love you breaks my heart. </p><p>I believe I will heal, and that we'll have so much more life together. And I know that this time will be a blur in your young life that will pass, and maybe you'll forget the heaviness that you never quite understood. But I see you trying to process what is happening. You knew I was sick, but I didn't look like it, and I didn't act like it. Until one day I did. And I know that soon I will lose my hair, and you will know that something is not right. And there will be lots more days of watching me hurt and struggle. And amidst this you'll be trying to work out how to be a kid at school with new rules and new friends, and I worry that you won't be able to communicate the things you feel, but don't yet understand. </p><p>All these things have weighted heavy on my heart. And then yesterday you reminded me that you are strong, and you are capable, and your heart is what is carrying me. You came in yesterday morning and gave me the sweetest kiss, telling me it was time to get up. When I said I didn't feel good and I couldn't get up, you just gave me a snuggle and offered me your blanket in case I needed an extra one. You were kind and sweet and excited about everything. Especially about being with Mimi and Papa. You got out the vacuum all by yourself, dragged it all the way into the family room, unwound the cord and plugged it in, and pulled out the hose to vacuum the crumbs you had left on the couch. And throughout the day you did things like offer to share your part of the couch as you said, "because you are so special to me, and Daddy, and Mimi and Papa."</p><p>Each of these little things were sweet. But more than the sweetness of each act, I felt you reaching your little heart and soul to wrap yourself around me in love. You, my little love, took care of me yesterday. My little big almost 5 year old. I am so proud of who you are. I'm so grateful for your sweet, loving heart. I want you to know that light is in you always. And I know that one day, when you can understand so much more, I want you to know what you gave to me. Because it was a big act of love for a very young boy. I love you Dev. </p><p>Xoxo,</p><p>Mom </p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-46995365953623227182020-08-21T11:15:00.008-07:002022-05-18T08:35:15.859-07:00The Plan and Prognosis<p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> I wanted to let my closest 500 friends know about my diagnosis because I believe in the power of community, and even more in the power of prayer. I've seen how incredible a support network can be. That said, it felt a little weird just throwing it out there for all to see. I was unprepared for the response of love and generosity that would come our way. I can't begin to say enough in gratitude for those that have reached out in countless ways--those that are already friends and family, and those who have just seen a need and chosen to give. I am humbled. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know it's taken me awhile to get beyond just the "I have cancer" post. Many have reached out and want to know the details, and I'm struggling to keep up with life, appointments, kids, work, etc. so this seemed like a good place to get into the details. Here is what I know about my cancer and my treatment so far:</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 Her2 Positive breast cancer. This is considered "good news" (you know, as far as the "you have cancer" news goes), because it's highly treatable, despite the fact that it's a very aggressive cancer. There are "smart" drugs (as my Oncologist calls them) that target the Her2 proteins and are very effective in killing them off. Where 95% of women once died from this cancer, now 95% of women survive with this treatment. I currently have 2 tumors in one breast and it has spread into the lymph nodes as well. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because my cancer responds well to chemo and targeted treatment, the plan is for me to start chemo (as soon as we can get someone to take me), along with the additional drugs for 4 months. At that point they plan to do removal and reconstructive surgery, followed by radiation and an additional year of targeted treatment. The first four months will be when I will have the typical chemo-related symptons, and I will lose my hair. The remaining time I should be able to feel well and the targeted treatment will just continue to ensure nothing comes back. I was elated after talking this through with my Surgeon. I know that sounds strange, because that actually sounds pretty awful. But the days leading up to this news were full of unknowns. I knew I had cancer. I knew it had spread. I was told I would likely have immediate surgery and I have seen others go through those surgeries and seen the complications they've experienced. Once I'd talked to the doctor, I knew there was a plan. And, it felt like I could do it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Since the initial conversation, the roller coaster ride has continued. That high was abruptly deflated when the Oncologist office I was referred to refused to accept my health coverage and I was left waiting for a new solution. I finally got in last week to see an Oncologist, and he is amazing, but we've had hiccups in trying to get treatments started (once again, thanks to our lovely healthcare system). He's working all angles to help so that hopefully we can get started by next week at the latest. If we can't find another solution he will have to admit me to the hospital, which forces them to treat me without the red tape. That's far from ideal, but we'll see what happens. This is where all those prayers can come in handy! </span></p><p><br /></p>Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-19767562815260897652020-08-04T20:23:00.000-07:002020-08-04T20:23:29.379-07:00Cancer<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Silence like a cancer grows…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That line has run through my head countless times this past
week. The “C” word is obvious, but something else compels me to dwell on it a
bit. I think it has something to do with the concept of silence connected to
something so intensely consuming, both physically and emotionally. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve only experienced cancer firsthand for a single month so
far, which includes the moment I found the lump and acknowledged something wasn’t
quite right. A lifetime of emotions, questions, waiting and wondering seems to
have passed since that time. Knowing that this disease has been hiding,
camouflaged in my body brings up many questions. Did I do something (or NOT do
something) that left me weak and vulnerable? I’m full of new questions I hadn’t
thought to ask before. Did I let it in? Could it have been prevented? I’ve tried
to be pretty healthy throughout my life. I am active; I eat lots of fruits and
veggies, and we haven’t even had a microwave for the past year (I did give in
and buy one this week. Partially because other people will be helping me out a
lot more, but also because let’s face it… if I’m going to have cancer anyway, I
might as well cut down on time spent cooking and cleaning).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clearly, I’m struggling with what I <i>did</i> to let cancer
in, but it’s even harder to deal with the reality that I can’t just make it go
away. I am a fixer, and when something isn’t right, I’ll do everything in my
power to make it better. I’ve never wanted to take a shower so much as I have
the last few weeks. I want to force the showerhead into my chest to wash the
cancer out, or flush it out with a magic detox drink. But I can’t just make it
go away, which I guess gives God the perfect opportunity to continue teaching
me patience and trust. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My desire to “fix” my situation, and my questions about how
I got here aren’t a need to change my circumstance or dwell on the past. I
accept them as a part of this process. A need to work through a new reality, a
new journey. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m not angry, at least not at this
stage. Am I scared? Definitely. But I’ve been assured that this is part of God’s
plan for me, so I know there are things I’m ready to learn, and He will be
there with me along the way. He always has been, and He always will be. Cancer
quietly lodged itself next to my heart, and I don’t like it there. But as I
start to get answers about the path ahead, I’m starting to feel a new peace,
and hope for a future full of beautiful reminders that God is there, and He’s
taking this journey with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-73404945441502177762019-05-15T20:41:00.001-07:002019-05-15T21:02:00.621-07:00And Then You Were One...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Oh my sweet Davey Jones!<br />
<br />
This year flew by, faster than I ever could have imagined. We've had lots of adventures in a few short months, and I've been blessed to have you right by my side throughout. We had a late birthday celebration for me with the Woolston and Johnston families in California, and we even got to sneak in some time with your Uncle Davey. You were a champ for all the plane rides, car trips, and adventures at Disney and the beach. You had just started scooting around, so you were pretty easy to keep contained for most of the trip, but it was fun to see you taking in everything. We also had to get some cute shots of your baby twin Will (you were born on the same day!!) and sweet little McKenna.<br />
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In November, we headed to Utah to surprise Mimi so we could be there for her while she had her heart operation. While we visited her in the hospital the day before her surgery you had a raspberry battle with Papa. There's never been a moment like it, and it was so fun to share with them. You had discovered something new, and you had a blast interacting in a whole new way!<br />
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A two week trip turned into seven when Mimi's surgery didn't go as expected. You and Devin played together in the waiting room every day, and you snuggled all sorts of friends and family that came to support us, especially Aunt ArVae, who came with us almost every day. She loved you and took great care of you! The whole Randall family came out for the week after surgery, and that meant we got to spend Thanksgiving together. You had 3 cousins also born last year, and we never expected to have all the grandkids together, so we took advantage of getting lots of sweet baby shots, and you had fun getting to know your cousins. Libby, Sarah, and Benny were great helpers, and they loved snuggling with you!<br />
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Just before we got to Utah you got your first two bottom teeth! You were also <i>just </i>about to start crawling before we left, and you had it down within days of getting to Utah. Suddenly, you were everywhere all the time! You love to move.<br />
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Papa described you well when he said you feel everything intensely. You are intensely happy, or you are intensely NOT happy, and you want to make sure everyone knows just how you are feeling. Luckily, most of the time you are full of smiles, and a need for food is typically what drives you to tears, which can come at any moment. You LOVE to eat, and you were quick to move to foods you could eat by yourself. Occasionally you'll tolerate being fed, but you love the independence of feeding yourself.<br />
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You LOVE pizza, cake, french fries, and basically anything you can tell must be sweet and delicious. You could be on the other side of the room, but the second you sense there is something delicious to eat, you laugh and clap, and cross the room at lightning speed to get in on the action. Fortunately, you do like to eat healthy things too. Often even with the same level of excitement. Fortunately for you, you love Great Harvest Bread (you'll be eating that a lot in your life time), strawberries, cheese, eggs, pretzels, and you've even eaten peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, peas, corn, and all sorts of other random things that you've shared with us. It definitely depends on your mood how willing you are to eat things.<br />
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You've got 3 top teeth to go with your 2 bottom ones now. Teething seems to bring colds and even an ear infection at one point, so we're not enjoying that part of this stage, but your snuggles and smiles make it all worth it.<br />
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You starting standing on your own without support, and then timidly taking steps over the last month, and you can now walk several feet at a time. I have loved watching you pull up on something, and then let go. I can see in your face that you are actively working at it, to see how long you can go, and it's thrilling to you. I think you would walk everywhere already if it wasn't much slower than crawling, so I think it will only be another week or two before crawling has been forgotten completely. You are climbing up and down the stairs so comfortably that I'm <i>almost </i>ready to let you do it without stressing about you falling. It's really just the stopping and standing that still leaves me a bit nervous.<br />
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You started waving and doing "Baby Shark", which both look exactly the same. Shortly after you started actually saying "hi", and now the wave is forgotten. Who needs actions when you have words?! You clap all the time and give "fives", and you have the BEST little happy dance I've ever seen. It remind me of a little bobblehead. You say "Mama" and "Dada" and I can tell you're starting to mimic more things you hear all the time.<br />
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You love playing with your brother. I am regularly preparing for tears, but usually even when things get a little rough you both laugh and just love interacting. Devin still forgets to be gentle, and now he's also starting to experience the hard things about a baby brother, like having his legos ripped apart as he's building, or being bitten by teeth that are looking for anything to chomp down on. But, he adores you. He has started calling you "Davey Crockett", and it's super cute. He likes to help feed you, and <i>sometimes</i> he even likes to share with you.<br />
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Davey, you have such a strong, determined, spirit, and you inspire me every day. I always say you are a man with a plan. You are a busy boy, and you've been nicknamed "Hurricane David", because you are constantly moving everywhere all the time. Especially toward the dog dishes if we are at Mimi and Papa's house. We did a "diaper dash" race with you at Disney last week, and you were the fastest baby all day. The second you saw Devin, Mommy, and your bottle you headed straight for the finish line with no hesitation. I see that in everything you do. You know what you want, and you'll do what it takes to go after it. I pray that you will always want good things, because I know that you will be driven toward those things throughout your life. Your smile still radiates your whole being, and you fill our home with joy that can't be measured.<br />
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I love you, Davey Jones. Happy Birthday my little one!<br />
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xoxo,<br />
MomSweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-35836819499525078012018-10-08T07:33:00.001-07:002018-10-08T07:40:15.999-07:00David Bryce<br />
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Dear David,<br />
<br />
Welcome to the world! You are my little warrior, and my miracle baby. You stayed with me for 9 full months of pregnancy with a true knot in your umbilical cord (we'll never know how long it was actually there), and battled through 40 long hours of labor without skipping a single heartbeat, and exclaimed your feelings about both the moment you took your first breath.<br />
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You share a name with some very important people in our lives. We were already thinking David was a special name in our family. Your Great Grandpa Dave was an amazing man. He was just 5'6", but would tell people he was "just under 6 feet", and truly he was larger than life. When I went into labor on your Uncle Davey's birthday, I think that sealed the deal.<br />
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I call you Davey Jones. It started right after you were born, and it's stuck. I love the way you smile when I sing your "Davey Jones" song, and it's even better when Devin sings to you.<br />
<br />
It's taken me almost 6 months to write to you, and while it's been hard to sit down and record my feelings for you, I want you to know that I have soaked up every sweet, perfect second of time as your Mom.<br />
<br />
From your first cry, I knew you were born with incredible strength and determination, and I see that in the way you've taken on every day, learning and growing, and moving so fast!! But you also are maybe the happiest, content little soul in the world. Unless you are hungry, you smile, talk, play, snuggle, and sleep while your little body is bursting with joy. One day while you were just a couple months old I looked down at the stroller while we were walking, and you were looking up at me with the biggest smile. It took up your whole face, and was oozing from every part of your tiny little body. I could sense you saying, "Mommy!! I was just waiting for you to see how happy I am to be with you!!"<br />
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You just started rolling over, and now there's no stopping you. I frequently find you on your belly in your crib, sometimes wedged against the side and not sure how to get back to where you want to be.<br />
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You also love the tub! You're still deciding whether you like the pool, but water in general is pretty fascinating.<br />
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You are already a busy guy. We took a trip to Utah just before maternity was over to see our family, and especially all the other babies that were born just after you. We also had your blessing in Utah so we could bless you with your cousin Luke. We ended up being able to see all your aunts and uncles on the Randall side (minus Uncle Derek), which was AMAZING!! I was super excited to be able to enjoy the 4th of July with you guys in Centerville, which I think is the ONLY real place to celebrate Independence Day. We also got to see lots of the Cottle family, including a few more new babies, which was so special.<br />
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You are SO loved by your big brother!! He loves to make you laugh, and he often will climb right in bed with you to cheer you up when you are sad. Right from the beginning he would climb into your ball pit and hold your hand. It's taken a little bit of time for him to understand how to play gently, and sometimes it's still a process, but you are very patient with him, and you are also fascinated watching him.<br />
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David, you've only been with us a short time, but I can't imagine how life was complete without you. There is something so intentional about your joy and your determination. In the difficult, intense moments of life, I'm grounded as I snuggle you and look into your beautiful eyes. You seem to understand far more than I ever will about what really matters. Maybe that has something to do with being in heaven not too long ago. I love you more than I can ever say, and I feel so grateful to be your mom.<br />
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Life is intense and I struggle to balance all the demands that come my way, and some days feel so hard. But, you remind me every day how blessed my life is. Your gentle spirit calms my troubled soul, and brings me such incredible joy. I love you, sweet little warrior.<br />
<br />
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<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-9933544278847085222018-07-26T09:39:00.000-07:002018-07-26T09:39:12.174-07:00My last to you as my only...Dear Devin,<br />
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As you may have noticed, my monthly posts got fewer and farther between. Life got busy, and my time enjoying you took over the time I tried to spend documenting your life. As I look back at what I've written, I'm so sad I've missed capturing many beautiful moments, because time is going far too fast, and I don't want to forget all the joy you brought to each and every day. But, I'm also learning to embrace the now, and love each moment before it is gone.<br />
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I started a letter to you before David's arrival. Thanks to my desire to find the perfect words and share just the right thing, it took too long, and a few days later our family dynamic changed. So... even though it's incomplete, even though it's imperfect, I'm preserving the final thing I wrote to you as my baby:<br />
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My sweet baby,<br />
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A new adventure is beginning soon. You'll have a new sibling (hopefully) this week. I am so excited for you to be a big brother, but clinging to each moment that you are still my baby. I've missed a lot of blog posts as life has gotten intense. I hope I can still capture a few of those moments for posterity, but I needed to write at least one more just for you. Just for this time of my life. And I'm already emotional. </div>
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Devin, I dreamed my whole life of being a mom. I didn't realize that it would be a heavy calling to carry. That there wouldn't be one, single, moment in the rest of forever that wouldn't include thinking about you and your well-being. But, more importantly, I couldn't know how full my heart could be with love for one little person, and how much joy you could bring into my life. I know my feelings aren't unique. I know every mother experiences this. But every day I can't believe I'm so blessed to be your mom. </div>
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You, my little son, are bursting with personality, imagination, and such a gentle and sweet love for others. You make friends everywhere you go, and you are always trying to include others whether you're playing, eating, singing, dancing, or just hanging out watching Little Einsteins. Life is a constant adventure. </div>
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You love to be snuggled, and I hope that never goes away. When it's bedtime and you're settled in, you immediately ask, "Snuggle me?" and then request song after song while we lay together in your bed. I have to admit, it's gotten harder and harder to snuggle in a toddler bed while my belly has gotten bigger and bigger, but it's so worth it. You love for us to sing Edelweiss, the Rapunzel song, Candle on the Water, I am a Child of God, I Love to See the Temple, and many more, but your favorite is Edelweiss. I love that you enjoy hearing that song, since it's one I remember Mimi singing to me many nights when I was a little girl. Grammy also sang it to Daddy when he was little.</div>
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You are quite the musician yourself, and you love to make music (or pretend to make music) with anything you can find. We were at the Farmers Market yesterday and a woman was playing the ukulele. You wanted to find your "buhtar" (guitar), and of course we didn't have anything like that in the stroller, so I gave you a bottle of sunscreen. You decided that would work and got right out there to dance and play along with her. </div>
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You are always imagining things, often somewhat inspired by a show, a movie, or an experience you've had. The other day you were playing outside and you went over to the light post, and while trying to climb it called out, "Rapunzel, let down your hair!!" You are always seeing elephants, lions, rhinos, and other animals when we are riding in the car. You'll pull out anything handy to look through as your "look and listen scope" to be able to see them up close. You use a hanger as your trumpet, anything long and skinny as a lightsaber, and all sorts of other doo dads around the house to be miscellaneous objects you've seen or heard about.<br />
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******<br />
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So there it is. I won't add pictures. I won't add videos. I'm afraid this will never be posted if I try to do more. I will tell you I cherished every last moment we had of just "us" until the day David arrived. It was a sweet time, and I have the sweetest of memories.<br />
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There's so much more I wanted to say. So much I wanted to capture. But for now, know that I'm so grateful you introduced me to my role as a mom. You will always be my baby, but now you get to be "big brother" too. I'm already so proud of the way you love your baby brother, and for the sweet "big boy" you're becoming.<br />
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Love,<br />
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Mom </div>
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-2920500644951775422017-06-23T23:11:00.001-07:002017-06-23T23:13:03.371-07:00An Unexpected CelebrationHi there Sweetie Pie,<br />
<br />
Okay, I'm really almost caught up, and seriously... we've got to come up with a better plan for execution. Whew! But let's rewind to April for a moment.<br />
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I wasn't going to do Easter. I was a tired mom. And... while I always enjoyed the whole Easter Bunny thing as a kid, I've just struggled to get behind it as an adult. While Christmas is entirely too commercialized, there is still so much about the Christmas spirit that makes it a whole season of joy. I turned on Winnie the Pooh to an Easter episode and it was all about a celebration of spring. Uh... huh?<br />
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A week or so before Easter I happened upon a video of Libby having her first easter egg hunt when she was just a little older than you, and it was ADORABLE!! Suddenly, I had to take you to find easter eggs. Around the same time I also happened upon the most handsome little outfit ever while I was out picking up a few easter-y things; basically you had a crazy awesome Easter without any intention whatsoever. Side note: I did find some really cool things to do leading up to Easter that I'd like to implement next year. Things to help us actually understand more about the true reason we celebrate.<br />
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The Palfreymans' were kind enough to let us join their egg hunt (it's just not the same with one kid and almost no yard) and it was a BLAST watching you figure out the whole experience. The best part was when you realized what was inside. At that point the gig was up. No more hunting; it was time to eat candy.<br />
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We were lucky enough to have Grandma and Grandpa Cottle in town for most of the weekend, so the joined us for the egg hunt, and Grandma took lots of pictures. She also helped me do the shopping that led to lots of Easter fun the next morning.<br />
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The Easter Bunny tried to keep the candy to a minimum (there were lots of eggs, but most of the candy disappeared before you knew it was there), but you got some cleaning toys (a broom just your size since you love to use mama's) and some toys to play at the beach. Dad was off in the mornings both Saturday and Sunday, so we all got to enjoy at least a few hours of celebrating together.<br />
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I decided to invite some friends for Easter dinner, so we had a turkey and lots of other good food. It was so fun to celebrate with loved ones all weekend!<br />
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For not planning to make a big deal, we sure had a lovely, and eventful holiday. Definitely one worth remembering. So, it looks like Easter is a tradition however we celebrate each year. But Devin, I hope as time goes on you come to understand the true, incredible blessing this day is, and why we truly celebrate. Because of our Savior, Jesus Christ and his sacrifice, because He lives, we will live again too.<br />
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I love you sweet boy. You are the light of our lives. And I am so grateful that because of our Savior, we are a forever family.<br />
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xoxo,<br />
<br />
Mom and Dad<br />
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-24750760710819397332017-06-23T22:25:00.000-07:002017-06-23T22:25:13.957-07:00More? Okay.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi Devy,<br />
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I have decided I need to start adding to the blog every day, and I think we're definitely going to have to start working toward a weekly post instead of monthly. You are changing and growing so much, and saying the funniest, silliest things every day all the time. I was out of town for work this week, and I feel like your vocabulary doubled while I was gone! Here are just a few ways you make me smile:<br />
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Whenever you're answering in the affirmative, your choice of response is typically, "okay". It is super helpful that you can tell me yes or no, but even better that your method is so endearing. When you're super upset I know I'll get an "okay" as soon as I get to the right solution. When you don't want something, your "no" is matter-of-fact, but with an almost question-like inflection. It's adorable, even when it's occasionally frustrating. Typically you still don't use it in an angry way, and I'll take that as long as it lasts.<br />
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You've finally started saying "yeah" occasionally when an "okay" won't quite do, and you've also started saying "Yes!" with a fist pump, but it comes out as "Ye...sss!" A-freaking-dorable.<br />
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Whenever you'd like someone to take you somewhere you reach out and say, "hand?", so we will take your hand and go with you. You use this tactic particularly when we are in the middle of dinner and you want to go outside instead of staying in the dining room while we finish. You've also learned to brush your hands together and say "all done" when you're ready to get up from the table. I think occasionally you don't actually mean it, but most of the time you really are ready to at least get down.<br />
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You are getting more clever all the time. The other night Dad was trying to brush your teeth and you laid your head on his shoulder and started fake snoring. You fake sleep a lot, but it was the first time you'd outrightly tried to use this tactic to get out of something. Who knew that would start so young?<br />
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You know how to find Mommy, Daddy, Devin, grandparents, and an occasional cousin in any picture, and you talk on any type of phone (or anything you can pretend is a phone) to Mimi.<br />
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You can say most of the blessing on the food by yourself now, though you have no interest in even folding your arms for a prayer at night. We're still figuring that one out.<br />
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You give the best kisses and snuggles EVER, and I hope that lasts for a long, LONG time. Our nighttime routine (on good nights) always includes me laying you most of the way down, and then swinging you back up for 3 or 4 "one more kissies", and you laugh and laugh, and sometimes we have to do it a few extra times because you just want to keep playing.<br />
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You are obsessed with choo-choos, The Incredibles, and being outside. You love playing in the car, and dancing whenever you hear music. You love people and have friends everywhere you go. You also love dogs. Brad snapped a photo of you at the park and said, "there were 15 kids at the park and this is who Devin was playing with..." My heart melted. I don't really want any animals, but you made me think hard about whether it could be worth it to have a dog.<br />
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You love food, and of course any kind of treat, though you're typically not obsessive about sugary things. However, I've made the mistake of not paying attention to what's laying around and realizing you've discovered a treat on your own. The worst was a bag of Dove chocolates Dad had left out, and you were just sucking the chocolate out right through the metal wrapping, making a crazy chocolatey mess, and so proud of yourself.<br />
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You are getting big enough to get into real mischief occasionally, and we've found you doing all sorts of silly things when we're not looking. I have to pay special attention to the table now, because you can climb up onto the chairs (and then the actual table if so inclined) and get to the food and drinks within reach. You also love to unscrew things, so I definitely have to keep my lip gloss (and especially lip stain) out of arm's reach. We've only had one or two minor mishaps so far. When you got the red stain right around your eyes, you just had to look like you had pink eye for a day because I could only do so much to get it off.<br />
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You say cheese whenever you know you are getting your picture taken, which leads to some silly faces, and you also LOVE meeting Disney characters! We went to see Minnie and Pluto at EPCOT and they were just eating up every second as you danced for them, kissed their noses, fist bumped and gave them fives.<br />
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You're now starting to enjoy story time, and we read a book (or two) every night. When we read Little Blue Truck, you make all the animal noises, the VROOMs of the trucks, and the beep, beep, beeps of Little Blue. You can basically finish just about every page. We also read Away in my Airplane and Goodnight Moon often. You love to read them over and over and point out all the things you can like the moon, starts, airplanes, etc. I discovered you're even honing your counting skills as you count all six (well with a little help sometimes) airplanes on one of the pages.<br />
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You also love the car. You could play in the car all day every day, and anytime you can "help" drive (like backing the car in and out of the driveway), you are in heaven. You hang out in the car often while I'm vacuuming or cleaning it out. </div>
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You love your Dad so much, and it makes my heart so happy to hear you playing together. You and Dad were home all by yourself while I worked out of town a week ago, and you had an awesome time together. While you went through a phase of only wanting mom, suddenly you get pretty sad when Dad is not around. He's the first person you want to see when we get out of bed in the morning.</div>
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Okay, one last thing. So, whenever we are going to bed and have to find your little bunny (we've been calling him Lovie) I always ask where he is, and start calling to him, "Lovie!! Oh Lovie, where are you?". Last night as we were getting ready to snuggle up and watch a movie you wanted to find him, so you put your hands up to your face and called out, "Bun!" (You now call him "Bun", short for Bunny), "Bun!" I could not even handle it. Those are the moments I want to just keep forever to pull out and relive over and over.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDhXnsWH9vnCkxp0x3UlHy4V8qIzz6G5p00G0g-FO7wV6QJOtEWXA-bSJewCK6xWuZ3x-vm_qMjLCZi4ZWmGSeKbnwYLqjwF5QbfOdsJW658tNTafZhCKGh-2FVh3k0O76VYUjnqhSoxE/s1600/IMG_6562.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDhXnsWH9vnCkxp0x3UlHy4V8qIzz6G5p00G0g-FO7wV6QJOtEWXA-bSJewCK6xWuZ3x-vm_qMjLCZi4ZWmGSeKbnwYLqjwF5QbfOdsJW658tNTafZhCKGh-2FVh3k0O76VYUjnqhSoxE/s320/IMG_6562.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A little friend you met on the train platform at Disney.<br />She just took your hand and you guys were besties. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our cute neighbor girls. They are super good to you.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Swim Time!</td></tr>
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There are a million other adorable things you do every day that melt my heart, make me laugh, and just make life so beautiful, but I couldn't let any more time pass before I captured at least some of them to remember. The time is passing so fast, and though I'm excited to get to know the beautiful person you'll become, I know this time is fleeting, and I want to keep all the sweetness close to my heart forever.<br />
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xoxo,<br />
<br />
Mom and Dad<br />
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-85230985146464626952017-06-11T19:38:00.001-07:002017-06-12T20:20:04.372-07:00Family TimeHey Big Kid!<br />
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As you can clearly see, I've been a bit of a slacker over the last couple months. You've grown so much, and we've had so many fun adventures, so I decided to break things down a bit. This will only be about our travels and special visits, and it's still going to be a LONG post.<br />
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April and May brought lots of fun with family and special friends. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives that are so good to us!<br />
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One of the first highlights of the last few months was a visit from the Krauses'. They are one of our Florida families, and it was so fun to have them over for a day. Their boys were so cute and fun with you! While we only live about 45 minutes away, it's crazy how hard it can be for schedules to line up, so we soaked in every minute we had together.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXOPbEQhiRJCBFoFrmuxZCohTJ5grX9XWvS528ZtCSWEdpyQwpcNzabbviTS77YR_wYVI1Vz2vYpXBWG0IEryrdlJtzWUloCHaSk3NHbjB_A1Ccu73zKhcLVB_ETEf2F3jr4_UIAKXfBU/s1600/IMG_6377.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXOPbEQhiRJCBFoFrmuxZCohTJ5grX9XWvS528ZtCSWEdpyQwpcNzabbviTS77YR_wYVI1Vz2vYpXBWG0IEryrdlJtzWUloCHaSk3NHbjB_A1Ccu73zKhcLVB_ETEf2F3jr4_UIAKXfBU/s320/IMG_6377.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just chillin' out with Grayson</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQuMz7uE_BgRSCLCA-NeUN99gceMezWezzkwQM9kq5dEfStgvRqGzjcfWeWkUtvHltEwa6ZDhjLxIZrwgYV2e9w-8_5_EPD0OJBLJRX72jYyTn_qc-JZqN8_f_M8d718LNSWRI3njQhg/s1600/IMG_6380.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQuMz7uE_BgRSCLCA-NeUN99gceMezWezzkwQM9kq5dEfStgvRqGzjcfWeWkUtvHltEwa6ZDhjLxIZrwgYV2e9w-8_5_EPD0OJBLJRX72jYyTn_qc-JZqN8_f_M8d718LNSWRI3njQhg/s320/IMG_6380.JPG" width="240" /></a><br />
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Grandma and Grandpa Cottle came down to Florida to see us for a quick weekend in April (more on that trip later), and then came back for a visit with Aunt Tiffany and Uncle Ken in May. They brought you a GIANT kite, and lots of other fun things to play with, and of course we had some fun all together at Disney as usual. You were also a big helper with a few little projects that they took care of around the house.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYHqYo5dl8K1QW6HEnlS-pjzgjvE8D_TihtFpOumrzD9l4vLlcwAAJP6rWuJ5pmDDd8peSuiSDTLc6A1jDtkZgjZUP0vhAyDq_YE6YT4UM5T9OdTQecVJw5QUGNZNOoWhfsnhm8hSjlX4/s1600/IMG_6389.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYHqYo5dl8K1QW6HEnlS-pjzgjvE8D_TihtFpOumrzD9l4vLlcwAAJP6rWuJ5pmDDd8peSuiSDTLc6A1jDtkZgjZUP0vhAyDq_YE6YT4UM5T9OdTQecVJw5QUGNZNOoWhfsnhm8hSjlX4/s320/IMG_6389.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flying our new kite with Dad</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Animal Kingdom with Grandpop</td></tr>
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We went to EPCOT with the Cottles' and you had a big time dancing to the music around the World Showcase and riding on Grandpa's shoulders. And you played lots of hide-and-seek in clothes racks with Grandpa and me, while Grandma and Tiffany shopped at Cast Connection.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpgP2HQa77hz-WWtqA-JNbuHkDlgwkaCO0EitDRxL9m_hpUruYTfVnYA4VIEpTGeg6rnHezsswVVDjaMxTuqgE_NspS9kl2RSGUFn5Xoh5uKZ8keZAXky6whIkO13UXkBO_3UB7teTwQ/s1600/18519595_10155253475269454_7576943360765894224_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="751" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpgP2HQa77hz-WWtqA-JNbuHkDlgwkaCO0EitDRxL9m_hpUruYTfVnYA4VIEpTGeg6rnHezsswVVDjaMxTuqgE_NspS9kl2RSGUFn5Xoh5uKZ8keZAXky6whIkO13UXkBO_3UB7teTwQ/s320/18519595_10155253475269454_7576943360765894224_n.jpg" width="250" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Dancing through EPCOT with Mommy</span></div>
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Baby Ruger had his blessing day in April, and I couldn't pass up an opportunity for you to be together with all of your cousins. I told myself we wouldn't be doing any major travel this year, but of course I couldn't totally stick to that. It was worth the trip with so many Randalls in town, and we even got to see some unexpected extended family. You finally met Aunt Sissy and Uncle Ron, and Cousin Shelley surprised us all by showing up Saturday afternoon. Shelley even came and hung out with us at Instacare where you were diagnosed with your first ear infection, and it was a doozy!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnziFDCMvWGGZ58XuV0ujKXHByYgE-hqQhK8QFcVowz5hqNP-dXQKNZ3u8XlqCYoGqZqDh4_ddyp6UaY42GE6x_Ru3rNs2qSSvyC8pGqEIsUxbnkqU8Kiv2_gnndwIDQZjGVPfBoCYDBI/s1600/IMG_6404.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnziFDCMvWGGZ58XuV0ujKXHByYgE-hqQhK8QFcVowz5hqNP-dXQKNZ3u8XlqCYoGqZqDh4_ddyp6UaY42GE6x_Ru3rNs2qSSvyC8pGqEIsUxbnkqU8Kiv2_gnndwIDQZjGVPfBoCYDBI/s320/IMG_6404.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The long flight</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirfRfa1iouWjyH5RukHs3wbHgwA0TF1JAgnalqwcwbXjvslOrZk7h4Km23OP7jjO-KC8tmuAxpCXil0V4xuHM-NNx3xoEA-psKGId4ttZShMiG6jGnoyA_ZluxSUUHvgzvGq5mRm0-DDw/s1600/IMG_6410.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirfRfa1iouWjyH5RukHs3wbHgwA0TF1JAgnalqwcwbXjvslOrZk7h4Km23OP7jjO-KC8tmuAxpCXil0V4xuHM-NNx3xoEA-psKGId4ttZShMiG6jGnoyA_ZluxSUUHvgzvGq5mRm0-DDw/s320/IMG_6410.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She offered to let you sit on her lap. You<br />
were against the idea until you realized<br />
it was your only way to see out the window.<br />
Suddenly you were best buddies.</td></tr>
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We stayed with Aunt ArVae, which was very fun since she lives super close to Mimi's house, and we didn't used to get much time with her before she moved to Centerville. She played blocks with you and snuggled with you and treated you to lots of cookies while we were there. As soon as we sat down at the table you would point right to the cookie jar. you knew where the good stuff was!<br />
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Baby Ruger is really sweet and crazy adorable, and it was fun to see you with a little baby cousin. You also LOVED all the dogs! Nick's new dog is named Karl Malone, and you would follow him around saying, "Karl! Karl! Karl!" Actually, you just called all the dogs Karl.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kisses for Baby Ruger</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matchy-matchy cousins!</td></tr>
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You went to your first movie with all the cousins, and it was fortunate we ended up in an empty theater. You were glued to the screen for the first half, and then you were pretty ready to be done. So, we danced in the aisles to the music, and you climbed the stairs. We'll definitely be waiting a little bit before we try again. It was a pretty great time anyway.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndj4OSTTrOGS1xMqeq8QnvxqARp2AB1r53w76oGSzglndeBTGLP15SD8dbM4eDelBmHVEBgdtsPqMh1yW81ixPLQ7_Wzt30IXe-4m6QVfmNTqBhk40v4KP_chBjNYsHwhVSV5jHXyLKg/s1600/IMG_6419.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndj4OSTTrOGS1xMqeq8QnvxqARp2AB1r53w76oGSzglndeBTGLP15SD8dbM4eDelBmHVEBgdtsPqMh1yW81ixPLQ7_Wzt30IXe-4m6QVfmNTqBhk40v4KP_chBjNYsHwhVSV5jHXyLKg/s320/IMG_6419.JPG" width="240" /></a><br />
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We had a super fun adventure to a new aquarium in Utah and you loved being able to stick your hands in the water, touch the turtles, and run around with your cousins. You also loved riding the kid-sized four wheeler at the house (just the thing I ALWAYS wanted as a kid). You loved driving, and you managed to get the "go" part down, but you needed a bit (or a lot) of help with the steering.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Riding the train at the mall with your cousins</td></tr>
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Dad took on a temporary assignment as a VIP tour guide at the end of May which meant extra long hours, so you tagged along for my work trip to Utah, and we stayed a few extra days to be with family and some awesome friends. Nick and Drea are staying at Mimi and Papa's house, so you got to spend lots of time with them. Your little face lit up every time Nick walked up the stairs and you would say, "Nick!!" When I would lay you down in your bed, you'd say, "Nigh nigh Nick, and Mimi, and Papa, and Drea, and Karl...", it was super sweet. You actually slept crazy well while you were there, which was a pleasant surprise after our last trip. You and Drea also got lots of quality time, since she spent lots of time with you while I was at work. She melted when you said "love you" to her at naptime. We did lots of hanging out with Drea, and we were a terrible influence on each other in the shopping department. We had way too much fun shopping for little boy's clothes. I almost had to take an extra suitcase home!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIJnx6WBHme2S4qZp2M2r4WUUA1ec37dCDTRL_V-tIg5hszg7sB2YIZxNLGVLqGIHVr6tSQ5aGeAaSlmZuD6mhrvUHml_4kaLFHPadc7H5ppFnvGeWdELVIO4lur2r4rpkiz0PbRQ1A8/s1600/IMG_6588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIJnx6WBHme2S4qZp2M2r4WUUA1ec37dCDTRL_V-tIg5hszg7sB2YIZxNLGVLqGIHVr6tSQ5aGeAaSlmZuD6mhrvUHml_4kaLFHPadc7H5ppFnvGeWdELVIO4lur2r4rpkiz0PbRQ1A8/s320/IMG_6588.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Representing HireVue</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You are big on saying "Cheese"!</td></tr>
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We took a very sweet trip to the Bountiful cemetery on Memorial Day with Mimi, Papa and ArVae, and you were curious, but also reverent as if you understood we were somewhere special. This is the first year that both of my grandparents are gone, and I loved spending a few moments remembering them with my family. After leaving the cemetery you got a little restless in the car, so Mimi taught you her "turtle song". You were in heaven. And you would say, "Moe, moe" so she would do it again and again. You held her hands so you could "snap" at the minnows and fleas with her, and you even sighed at the end just like she did when she did it for you while slightly out of breath.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You may not carry the Randall name, bit but it made<br />
my heart happy to see you with the Randall name. I<br />
am proud to be a Randall!</td></tr>
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We couldn't leave Utah without a visit to one of our SSS families. We loved seeing the Woolstons', and you and Corban are getting just big enough to (sort of) play together. It's so fun to be able to have our boys growing up together, even if we don't get to see each other often.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With Uncle Soren in the sandbox. One of your favorite<br />
places to be</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Working on your rockstar skills</span></div>
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While we've had lots of fun with others, we've also had a wonderful time with our own little family the last few months. You are absolutely delightful to spend time with, and every day is a new adventure. I love waking up to your sweet smiles, and my heart melts when you snuggle up with your bunny and say, "Nigh nigh, Lu loo" at the end of the day. I lu loo, little boy!<br />
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Xoxo,<br />
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Mom and Dad<br />
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-15753725384189157182017-04-22T09:52:00.000-07:002017-04-22T09:52:00.207-07:00Nursery LegalHey Sweet boy,<br />
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Hooray! You're finally old enough to stay in nursery! I didn't realize how excited I would be to send you to nursery, since I love to get in all the Devin time I can. But let's be honest, church is hard for you, and when you can go in and play with toys and kids, it's a win for both of us.<br />
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This month has been such a fun one, even though you have become much more attached to Mom, which means some things become much more difficult. You've become my little Koala baby this month, because you are attached to my hip at all times. Whenever I try to put you down you pull your legs up around me and hang on with all your might. It's so adorably frustrating because I love that you want me, but it's hard to do things like cook and clean with one hand. Luckily, you're usually good to sit on the counter and "help". You like to stir things, and help put ingredients in a mixing bowl. And sometimes, I can put you on the floor with your own pot and spoon (empty of course), and you're temporarily content mixing your own dinner. <br />
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You say "more" whenever you want us to play another game, song, or of course when you want more to eat. It comes out a little bit like, "moh". Sometimes you even want to say "moh" blessings on the food, so you fold your arms, wait for us to fold ours and then excitedly say, "Amen!". It's nice you want to say blessings, even if it's hard for you to sit still and keep your arms folded through one. A few weeks ago we went to the YSA sacrament meeting so Daddy could join us, and the girl saying the opening prayer was a bit long-winded. About halfway through you loudly exclaimed, "AMEN!" Since you were the only one making noise, it was hard to miss your meaning. You can also do all of the "Wheels on the Bus" verses, and we've even added one of our own for the "Devins" on the bus, and I think it's quite fitting.<br />
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You are more adept at making your desires known as each day passes. I've spent lots of time around other kids, but watching you become more communicative on a daily basis is an incredible experience. And sometimes pretty entertaining. When you eat something you really love you'll grab the spoon and bring my hand to your mouth to get it as quickly as possible. And when you really want me you'll wriggle in between me and whatever is in the way and push me back so I can reach down and pick you up. My favorite was one day when we had the missionaries and a friend over. You got done eating and would say, "bye" to us and walk toward the front door. You did this a few times, and then finally came over, grabbed my hand to bring me with you, then waved to our guests and said, "bye". Okay. Clearly you're done entertaining and ready for some mommy time.</div>
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You LOVE playing with other kids. At Sea World you met another little guy (a bit younger but also a bit bigger) and you both watched the beluga whales together and "talked" to each other. Eventually you grabbed each other to hug and toppled to the ground. You both got up looking suddenly a little unsure of the other guy. This is actually fairly typical. I never realized just how much little kids love to hug, but don't exactly know how to do it gently or effectively. We've gone to meet Grandma Rita at Downtown Disney with her grandkids and they are so cute with you. Last time they brought you a Max from the Secret Life of Pets. So sweet. You also love hanging out with Lochlan, a four year old buddy. It's fun to see you play together and imagine what experiences you'd have as a brother. When they were last over the neighborhood kids were out and wanted to play. As you all started playing he turned to them and said, "This is a Devin. You have to be careful with him because he's little!" It was super cute and sweet.<br />
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You loved the fish, sharks, and whales at Sea World, and also had a blast on the carousel and train, though I think the highlights of the day were the giant (but S.L.O.W.) slide that you went down over and over again, and the splash pad. While it doesn't quite match up to the magic of Disney, I loved that Sea World was much less crowded, so you could do things like ride the carousel over and over again. It's one of your favorite things at any park.<br />
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You've learned things like showing your muscles and you suddenly got super interested in wearing your play glasses around. You'll even keep a hat on from time to time. You love music and having your back tickled. You love the park and all things that involve being outside. And you really love "Elmo", or basically all the Sesame Street songs we typically play on Youtube from our phones when it's time to just chill. At night before bed we'll snuggle in our bed and watch a few before you go to sleep. You can now sing the Bah bah ba bahs, with Feist, and sing the numbers with the Pentatonix.<br />
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I've probably said this before, but there are days as I come down the stairs and see you playing that I realize there's no possible way to imagine this home without you, and yet I still can't believe you are here and we get to experience your life every day. I can never adequately describe the emotions and overpowering love I have for you, Devin. I feel as Shakespeare wrote, "My love's ... richer than my tongue ... I cannot heave my heart into my mouth." The richness of this love gets me out of bed in the middle of the night, encourages me to keep working when I just want to be home with you, allows me to sit patiently (most of the time) through an eternal meal because you just want to play, and carries me through the moments when my worries over your journey through this life feel overwhelming.<br />
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You are my sunshine sweet Devin. I admire your love and your determination, and all the silliness that brings laughter into our home every day. We love you sweet boy.<br />
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Xoxo,<br />
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Mom and Dad</div>
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-89089920007070124222017-03-26T09:00:00.001-07:002017-03-26T09:31:34.329-07:0017 Months<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://vimeo.com/210136321">My Movie</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user41194676">Rachel Cottle</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</div>
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Hi Buddy!<br />
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I know, I know, you're so close to 18 months it feels pointless, right?! But, your little world is full of so much growing I had to make time to share.<br />
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We made our first road trip with just you and I the beginning of February for an overnight trip to Ft. Lauderdale/Miami. Mimi and Papa were passing through after their cruise, and we couldn't pass up the opportunity to see them and our Florida cousins. You weathered the driving like a champ, even sleeping through more than half of the drive home, though that might have had something to do with your lack of sleep the night before. You just had so much fun with Nancy's sweet boys you wanted to keep playing all night long. I was starting to wonder if I would be the one that wouldn't make it through the drive. Luckily, we got JUST enough sleep to get through.<br />
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You LOVED all the boys, and they were so sweet and good to you! You loved wrestling with Ben, dancing with Joseph, and being able to play with all their toys. The cash register was your favorite.<br />
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Our visit with Mimi and Papa was just perfect, considering we didn't have much time. We found a spot on the beach to visit and put our feet in the water, and then you proceeded to make friends with every. single. person at McDonald's when we stopped for lunch. Your smile definitely lights up my world, but it's fun to see the way you can do that to others as well.<br />
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Going to Disney these days is super fun and super hard, since you definitely have your own opinions now, but we had some really fun memories this month. We made a surprise visit one Saturday evening, and you were busy, but so delightful. We snapped selfies, at dinner together, and you pushed the stroller for me most of the night. You grab onto the bar just below the seat, put your head down, and just GO. It was hilarious watching people notice you pushing because you can get that thing moving FAST! You pushed your way all the way through the back of EPCOT and out the back entrance. It's perfect, because you are occupied, and you stay close to Mom! While we waited to go see Dad, we stopped by the American Pavilion and watched part of the Broadway show. It was a great show, but really it was way more fun to watch you. You walked back and forth on the bench and rocked out to the music, and I think everyone around us was having more fun watching you than the show too! I love the way you light up when you hear music.<br />
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We also decided to have our Valentine celebration at EPCOT. I got to celebrate with both of my Valentines, which made it super special. Since Dad and I have never been big on gifting for Valentine's Day, we decided to make it a little game. We had to find something that started with the other person's name, that didn't come from the same country as the other person's gift, and that had something to do with Valentine's Day. You were a very good sport as we shopped around for the perfect things, and you also crossed the Potomac and spent time on the countryside with us, since it was the EPCOT Art festival.<br />
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During President's day weekend Mom decided she was going to use her extra time off to finally paint part of the house. I wasn't sure how things were going to work with you around. It's pretty easy to do a project on my own, but when there might be little hands touching wet paint and "helping", things get a little more complicated. But, you actually were an excellent assistant, helping Mom sand, and even helping Dad roll on a bit of paint.<br />
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We also finally made it to the beach as a family over the long weekend. This was our second attempt at going to Clearwater. The first time was Memorial Day weekend, and we ended up hitching a ride back home in a tow truck after getting halfway there. This time we hit a LOT of traffic, which didn't leave much beach time. But we had enough time to settle into the white sand and spend some time playing in the water. It was lovely. And we'll definitely be back.<br />
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Your vocabulary and comprehension are growing every day. On top of your ability to sing, "Row, row, row..." you've now added "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..." to the song. Someone else may not know that's what you're singing, but you definitely know that's what you're singing and it is super cute!<br />
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You are starting to love nursery, even though you've become a little more aware of whether you're with mommy or not. Occasionally you make it pretty clear you just want to be with Mom. But, most of the time you love hanging out and having fun with friends, old and young.<br />
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You've definitely struggled a bit with sleeping here and there. I think sometimes those pesky teeth get bothersome overnight. We've had a few early morning snuggles, and while I'm super tired, I can't help but enjoy the chance to just hold you. Now that you're getting much more independent you're often more interested in playing than snuggling so I try to soak up all the opportunities I have to hold you close.<br />
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Trish and Sarah came to town at the end of the month, and we had a BLAST with them! Sarah was such a sweet cousin, and was so patient with you. She was always willing to share her popcorn, hold your hand, and give you sweet hugs. During all the years I waited for you, our nieces and nephews filled that space in my heart that was meant just for kids. I love being an aunt, and it was so fun to spend time with Sarah and see her growing up. We spent a day at Universal and lots of days at Disney, and she went on ALL the big rides and LOVED them! She especially loved the roller coasters, and she was lucky enough to ride most of her favorites at least twice.<br />
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It was a special time for me to have Trish here. Since she's just a little bit older than me, she's been the one who has shown me the way all through my life. She's been an awesome example, the most constant and loving friend, and she's an awesome auntie too!! While Trish and I both have drive, she is a worker at heart, and she's always the one to take charge. It was really fun to see her get into "aunt mode" and just have fun with you. While we took Sarah on rollercoasters, she dressed you up in Minnie ears and Aerosmith wigs, and managed to capture a great game of "peek-a-boo" with a giant Aerosmith hat.<br />
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You are still a good eater most of the time, though you seem to be less interested in hamburgers than I would have expected (you'd prefer to just feed that to mom), and you're getting to the point where sometimes you'd rather play than eat. You love eggs, and breakfast in general. You also love beans and rice. And while you love treats, you're still just as happy with your avocados and strawberries.<br />
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Your favorite place to be is the park, but you're content just being outside and checking out the "woof-woof" next door. You love dogs, you love to say "quack quack" for the duck, and Aunt Trish even taught you to make the snake "sound". You add a new word every day, and it's so fun to communicate with you! You love music and dancing, "helping" mom in the kitchen and outside, and anywhere with a broom. You love going on walks and hanging out with the neighbors, and you are pretty much the friendliest guy I've ever met. You're always saying hi and smiling at everyone.<br />
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There are moments when I look at you and can't imagine our world, our home, our life without you, and yet I still can't believe you're here with us and we get this opportunity to be with you and watch you grow. I'm so blessed you are my son, and love the little person you're becoming more each day.<br />
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Mom and Dad</div>
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-25755784399417102852017-02-11T06:21:00.002-08:002017-02-11T06:48:42.821-08:0015 & 16 Months<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi Devy Boy!<br />
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December and January both slipped away so fast, and I decided that I was just going to have to combine them. You are learning so many new things daily, and I almost can't keep track of them all! I've done my best to enjoy each stage of your little life, without "can't-waiting" for the next one, and I'm grateful I did. The last 16 months have all been an amazing journey. But... this stage is SO MUCH FUN!! Don't get me wrong, I am a whole new kind of exhausted at the end of most days. But you are such a delightful boy, and it's incredible to start communicating with you, and understanding you more each day. Plus, you can work a room like no one I've every seen! You are always making new friends whether we're eating lunch at McDonalds, sitting in church, or playing at Disney.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You climbed down next to Daphne, and then<br />
just crawled onto her lap. That was adorable, but<br />
then you decided to do that to random strangers.<br />
We decided maybe that wasn't the best plan.</td></tr>
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Early in December you learned the 5 Little Monkeys song, and you could do the "can't catch me" finger shake like a champ! We've "visited" nursery a few times when I just couldn't bear chasing you down the halls at church, and the first time we walked in all the kids were lined up doing the song, and you turned to look at me and shake your finger with the biggest smile on your face that said, "Mom!! They know our song! What is this magical place, and why am I just finding out about it?!" Unfortunately, you've been a little more clingy in some of our recent visits, so we'll see how things go when you officially hit 18 months.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of our first nursery experiments. You had a blast.</td></tr>
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Along with 5 Little Monkeys, you also love to say, "Row, row, row..." after which you expect us to finish with, "Your boat, gently down the stream...." You could do that for hours. Dad and I usually last about 3 or 4 rounds.<br />
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Your list of words is getting longer every day. So far you're great with Mama, Dada, Mimi, Papa, hi, bye, bubbles, ball, bro (Dad taught you this one), quack (like the duck, which includes an adorable quacking gesture), woof woof, prophet, Jesus, cracker, and avocado. Yes, for reals, you say avocado (it comes out more like "avco", but you very much know what you're saying, and will say it anytime you see one). You don't put words together much, unless you're repeating us, but it's still kind of amazing when it happens. One day, when Daddy was leaving for work, you said "Bye Dad", and both of our hearts just melted!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You love your tent from G&G Cottle!</td></tr>
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You also are working on your wink (it's still a work in progress, but when you try you sort of bat your eyes, which is kind of even more adorable), you blow kisses and play peek-a-boo, and you are constantly saying hi to everyone around you. We made a visit to Instacare a couple weeks ago, and my first clear clue that it was a false alarm was looking around at all the sad, droopy faces of the other kids while you sat and waved at the receptionist. Sure enough, it turned out to be a combo of lots of teeth and not enough ibuprofen.<br />
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You are a champion eater! You pretty much eat anything, but your favorites are probably still eggs, avocado, and berries. I never expected I would be telling my 16 month old he's already had enough avocado for the day as he's begging for more! Papa asked once, "Does he ever stop eating, or do you just stop feeding him?" He was thrilled that you would eat since most of your cousins aren't huge fans of food, but he was also AMAZED at how much you would eat, and sometimes I am too. I'm pretty sure most mornings you eat as much breakfast as I do. You've also learned to "blow" on your food. I'm not sure that you do a super effective job, but it's sure adorable.<br />
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We've introduced you to Sesame Street, and you still love High Five and Mother Goose Club. I don't love a lot of TV in our house, but sometimes I am grateful that you can sit through TV for awhile. Recently our routine has included a little snuggle time in bed with some Sesame Street on my phone or laptop before it's officially bedtime. I just soak up those snuggles! We also do lots of snuggling first thing in the morning when you get up and have a drink. You were sick for about a week at the start of the year (poor Dad was home alone with you for the worst of it), and your sleep was all sorts of screwed up for a bit afterward. That was miserable, except that you'd wake up early, drink a sippy while you snuggled with me, and then roll over and snuggle into my neck and fall back asleep. You wouldn't go back to bed, but I could bring you in and let you sleep with me for another hour or two. If we're honest, I didn't get much sleep... but it was kind of an ok trade off.<br />
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You're starting to hold the phone to your ear to talk into it, and you're pretty obsessed with phones in general. You also started making the cutest/silliest face sometimes just because, but it also seems to be your "posing" face for pictures. At first I wondered where it came from, and then I realized it's totally a face I've made since you were born. I guess you finally decided to try it out too.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A shoulder ride with Mom means you can "do" my hair.</td></tr>
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Devin, I love all the fun, silly, and interesting things you do each day, but I've also fallen in love with your gentle, kind spirit. We've sat on the same pew as a family with a severely autistic boy a few times in church, and you watch him with the look of someone who understands his heart. I can't think of any other way to describe it. You also seem to gravitate toward his Dad, as you see him caring for his son. You looked at a man in a wheelchair behind us at Target the same way, and you specifically waved to him as we were walking away not for the attention or coupled with your "Mr. Charming" smile, but with a genuine love in your face. I hope your love for others, and your genuine spirit is something you keep throughout your life. You are not afraid of anyone, and you just love others, and assume that they will love you in return. Live your life that way, and it will be so. I know that to be true.<br />
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I love you Devin, with all of my heart! You fill my soul with so much happiness. I am so excited to get you out of bed in the morning, and I love the way you say "Bye" and wave when I put you to bed at night (although sometimes you're not super happy about it). I love watching you learn and grow, and I feel like the luckiest in the world that the Lord sent you to our family.<br />
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xoxoxoxo,<br />
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Mom and Dad<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of your favorite grown-up buddies</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Already into cars... well, and anything you can climb in</td></tr>
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More Disney... as usual...<br />
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You hang out with Daddy every chance you can get, whether it's chilling out, "helping" him with projects, or getting fancy and going out.<br />
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Your buddy and future wife. You guys play together whenever there's a chance. </div>
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<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-19944087160071618082017-01-30T18:07:00.001-08:002017-01-30T18:09:23.303-08:00The BeachI know, it's ridiculous that it took until Devin was 14 months old to make it to the beach. We did try at least once before. But, it was worth the wait. Our friends captured every perfect moment with their camera, and the videos and pictures say more than I ever could. I didn't think we'd make it to the water, he was so obsessed with the sand. But eventually he decided the water was pretty awesome too.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/201778198" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://vimeo.com/201778198">My Movie</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user41194676">Rachel Cottle</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-9070344958155130892017-01-30T03:57:00.001-08:002017-01-30T03:57:13.260-08:00The Holidays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This Christmas it really sunk in that our move to Florida is pretty permanent. We decided not to do any traveling over the holidays since we discovered this fall that sometimes traveling with a toddler is just not worth it. October and November were such intense months this year with baptisms, funerals, and family gatherings, so it was really nice to have a few weeks of relative calm, but it was hard to be so far away from our families. And as it turns out, the Cottles' came down just after Christmas so we got some family time in after all!<br />
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We had our annual Christmas breakfast at the Grand Floridian a little early this year, which meant Ben and McKenzie were able to join! Devin LOVED the characters, and they sure loved him!! And of course with a photographer along, we got way more pictures than we know what to do with. We also got a picture for the second year with Richard, a cast member and Disney legend. I saw him outside the Grand Floridian last year and had to stop to have our picture taken with him. I didn't know who he was, I just knew he exuded Christmas and Disney magic!<br />
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We had a lovely Christmas Eve feast with the Stewarts, and then Brad went off to work while Devin and I headed home for a quiet evening together. We were lucky that Brad was home Christmas Eve and Christmas mornings, but it sure felt quiet while he was working those nights.<br />
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Christmas morning with Devin was absolutely MAGICAL! I tried to keep the gifts to a minimum, but he was definitely spoiled by aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. The gift I was most excited to give him was a rocking chair that was just perfectly Devin-sized. I knew he may not be too interested in many gifts, but that would be one he (hopefully) would love. I was not disappointed when he went right to it and climbed in Christmas morning. We also bought him his very own Mickey plush. I have been amazed at how quickly he started to recognize and get excited about Mickey over the past year. He definitely knows him. It helps that he has a nose that is perfect for biting.<br />
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Devin also loves daddy's train, and he had a great time bonding with Dad while they watched it choo-choo around the tree.<br />
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While he's not quite ready for potty training, we figured we might as well get the potty for his "something he needs" gift. Christmas morning he actually seemed a little more excited about the potty than the chair when all was said and done, since he could carry around the potty AND sit in it. However, he was a little unsure about what to do with the hole in the middle.<br />
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Brad and I were definitely spoiled by each other, and our family and friends. The Cottles' came down and hung shelves in our garage, which was something I desperately wanted, but figured wouldn't happen for months, or even years. I loved that Brad also took a chance and actually bought me a couple of awesome outfits, knowing clothes are a tricky thing to buy for me. He did great. And he found the perfect lamp for our living room. I had looked and looked, and finally thought I found the right thing. I knew he hadn't purchased exactly what I found, and I think we were both nervous. But it turned out, he found something even better. I love that he always finds ways to surprise me!<br />
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Devin and Grandpa got in some good bonding time. They took walks, read stories, and Devin even "helped" with the garage for a bit. </div>
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I wasn't planning on doing anything for New Year's Eve, since Brad was of course working, and Devin would be in bed nice and early. But since we can see the fireworks from our window, McKenzie joined us for the evening, and we watched the "practice" fireworks, complete with countdown at 7:30pm so Devin could join us. Had I known we would get the full experience, I might have been good to call it a night right then, but McKenzie and I made it up until midnight to see them again one more time. I'm glad I wasn't fighting the Disney crowds, but we got a pretty good show right from our back window!<br />
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As wonderful as it was to give and receive gifts this year, one of my favorite things about the season was participating in #lighttheworld, a program our church rolled out to help us focus each day of December on ways we could make a difference. I don't think I was perfect at focusing my time and energy in the right places every day, but I loved the way it changed my focus, and allowed me to find ways to think about others throughout the Christmas season. I love Christmas for all it stands for, for the extra measure of kindness and joy in the air, and most importantly for my Savior and my testimony that He truly was born into the world to fulfill our Heavenly Father's plan. I know He lives and loves each of us, and as I've turned my heart to him, I have found more joy than I ever knew to be possible.<br />
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I guess the nice thing about blogging late is the reminder of the Christmas season one month later. Merry January-almost-Valentine's-Day everyone.<br />
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<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-2229484804371767292016-12-12T19:13:00.000-08:002016-12-12T19:13:37.591-08:0014 MonthsHi Devy boy!<br />
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November was a really amazing, but super busy month! Mimi and Papa came the first few days of November, just a little over a week after we got back from Seattle. While they were here we got the news that Great Grandma Randall passed away, so we hopped on a plane the next week to head back to Utah. Dad had taken the next week off for some Cottle family time, so that made 3 weeks in a row of family time. It was busy, and I'm still recovering, but I wouldn't have traded any of those sweet memories.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Papa and Devin just after their haircuts</td></tr>
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While Mimi and Papa were here we did Disney, Disney, and more Disney! It was so darn fun, and you were such a champ through it all. We were all pretty worn out by Saturday night, but we had a blast. You and Papa got haircuts together, and this was the first time I actually used the clippers on your hair. I think it tickled a little, and you were fascinated. Thank goodness, because we've got a LOT of haircuts in our future together, and the less you squirm and fuss, the better it is for both of us.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Devin's favorite spot... on Papa's shoulders</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mimi and Devin checking stuff out</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Devin Dancing to the music at EPCOT</span></div>
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As fun as Disney was, the best moment of the trip was when you accidentally started a dance party from Mimi's Apple watch. At the push of the screen, Gangnum style unexpectedly erupted and every ounce of your little body danced with glee. You taught Mimi about all kinds of things she didn't know her watch could do that week. You also saw the fireworks from our room for the first time and you kept saying "Oh WOW!", while pointing and turning to see if Mimi and Papa were seeing them too.<br />
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Our flight to and from Utah was fairly smooth considering. In fact, you snuggled into me and fell right to sleep on our flight from SLC to Denver. It was AMAZING. I decided Grandma was watching over us and helping a Mama out (for next time Grandma, just so you know the other flight was actually the long one, but I'm totally not complaining!!). While I'm still not in a hurry to do more traveling with kids, I was grateful you handled things better this time. And it was awesome having Dad there for both flights!<br />
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Our trip to Utah was beautiful. I didn't get enough sibling and cousin bonding, but the time we had was wonderful, and Grandma's funeral was a perfect way to honor her in life and death. She was an incredible woman. I feel so grateful you got to meet her, even though neither of you will remember. We also found out Uncle Davey and Atza decided to get married! They had a small wedding in San Francisco, and will have the "fake real" wedding as Dave called it next year in Barcelona.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All the sibs together at Grandma's funeral</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A full flight but magically we got an extra seat for Devin!</td></tr>
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Daddy took off a week before Thanksgiving to make sure we could finally make a trip to Georgia, and Uncle Justin was able to come too, so we had the whole family together for the first time since our wedding. It was a lovely few days! We finally did all the touristy things I've never managed to fit into our Atlanta trips. You loved the Georgia Aquarium, and you tolerated our Stone Mountain excursion. There were several aspects of Stone Mountain (such as the giant sculpture of the Confederate generals) that I didn't know anything about. I have spent very little time in the South (and for those who aren't aware, Florida totally does not count as The South), and it was fascinating to take in a piece of American history from that point of view. Our history became a little more tangible seeing a piece of it in person.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy and Devin at Chick-fil-e taking a break from the drive</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Aquarium</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the top of Stone Mountain</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kissing under the Mistletoe at the Stone Mountain<br />Christmas Village</td></tr>
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While Grandpa and most of us kids hiked Stone Mountain, Grandma was busy making a lovely Thanksgiving feast. We enjoyed Fakesgiving with the whole Cottle family, so even though we wouldn't be together on the right day, we could enjoy the holiday together.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT9CJiDRYJe4pk65avh0LmkeQ717XsyvVMowywyEhntlQqxxLjN0jwv6I36vYmPh-Rd1Lacy06a9JHHRTu_Nb_Qx4iQ4DBUvtjPFdD6MDZIZG34sQ-WivnQiUsmhD7YMpn9tdI6NHIFxg/s1600/IMG_5729.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT9CJiDRYJe4pk65avh0LmkeQ717XsyvVMowywyEhntlQqxxLjN0jwv6I36vYmPh-Rd1Lacy06a9JHHRTu_Nb_Qx4iQ4DBUvtjPFdD6MDZIZG34sQ-WivnQiUsmhD7YMpn9tdI6NHIFxg/s320/IMG_5729.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Devin rocking in Grandmom's chair just his size</td></tr>
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We spent the actual Thanksgiving holiday at home having dinner together. I was starting to really regret that decision about halfway through the day when you just wanted mom and I was trying to get all the pieces of dinner ready. But, it was awesome being home and having Daddy there to enjoy it with us. And it was fun to have some cute friends from church there as well.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRi3aKZkwfIjx1e2QZMAeAOrRLkym4ZgI64Ozxd8LFjxCJ6FiQ1fBCrDOH7Fp4h4HwwCmEN4HxVYYUji2pHx_S_kbakZpzvnvbfHsdZCFMyB2m3_guezFjo75fd9LeiU2kOrCPUASczRk/s1600/15192698_10153806637441065_8019311158866613993_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRi3aKZkwfIjx1e2QZMAeAOrRLkym4ZgI64Ozxd8LFjxCJ6FiQ1fBCrDOH7Fp4h4HwwCmEN4HxVYYUji2pHx_S_kbakZpzvnvbfHsdZCFMyB2m3_guezFjo75fd9LeiU2kOrCPUASczRk/s320/15192698_10153806637441065_8019311158866613993_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thanksgiving at our house. Mom pulled out everything<br />to help keep Devin happy while she cooked.</td></tr>
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Our final adventure for the month was a trip to Disney with Mama Rita. We sure love her, and it was so fun to get in some Disney magic with her!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDFYWkmrQDCg8fDBHUSnsPjWlU7kvID609ni07B-UpBZr35a0VTRQkWaLvOXa4F3Dx6i4Xq8l21SwWXFcRPGz84XZK1ahmP8nkY74RBaDCWFbwDnUX17-IwJITxXeb_vkxH4QWOZ3c7ko/s1600/IMG_5756.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDFYWkmrQDCg8fDBHUSnsPjWlU7kvID609ni07B-UpBZr35a0VTRQkWaLvOXa4F3Dx6i4Xq8l21SwWXFcRPGz84XZK1ahmP8nkY74RBaDCWFbwDnUX17-IwJITxXeb_vkxH4QWOZ3c7ko/s320/IMG_5756.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Devin and Grandma Rita</td></tr>
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Aside from all the adventures, you have been getting cuter and smarter every day. You are mimicking things you hear, and just starting to learn a few more words. You say Mama much more often now, and seem to actually know what it means. You've been able to wave for a long time, but out of the blue you started saying "hi"! It comes with it's own particular wave, and you've captivated entire groups of people with that little "Hi" and wave. You have also learned how to fold your arms. They don't usually stay folded for a full blessing, but it's a start.<br />
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We put the tree and train up early in the month and you've been in HEAVEN. You've mostly avoided wreaking havoc on the tree, though you definitely pull things off the upstairs one (one of the reasons I put up two). Watching your face the first time the tree lit up was just magic. Truly I feel the joy of discovering things all over again through your eyes. And you always notice when things have changed. I put up a painting in our dining room (I am slowly but surely getting things decorated), and you noticed the moment we walked in. It's fun to watch you recognize things. Although, on the other hand, I put up some wall art in your bathroom just over your changing pad, and that was a mistake. You obsessively pull it off the wall, and then stand up and push the nail in.<br />
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You love to be outside exploring, and wherever there are stairs you can be found going up and down, up and down. We were waiting for Mimi and Papa at Disney, and you just wanted to play on the stairs. Then we got to the center of Town Square and you just wanted to go up on the curb and back down. I wished you would look over to see the tree and toy soldiers instead of just the curb, until I realized you were practicing, and working on finding a way to step down without crawling. You would stand an extra second, bend your knees, start to move a foot, and then decide you didn't quite have a handle on making that happen. Suddenly, I quit thinking about what you weren't seeing, and became intent on watching your process, and your progress, as little as it may have been. One of my favorite things about being your mom is watching you learn.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZNKMTQMtqpa54G49SqP18CyNfcG52dJBC_lRr-RRa5_Rp5MSblTCH-vXhTuquqyZ5_7n8dyMJdhgGgWqc-eLZNIpO1axXGDdztrbCqQOrmvPjxS1UwsBC36x03ZOxhsqYgaI_RAPL6s/s1600/IMG_5709.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZNKMTQMtqpa54G49SqP18CyNfcG52dJBC_lRr-RRa5_Rp5MSblTCH-vXhTuquqyZ5_7n8dyMJdhgGgWqc-eLZNIpO1axXGDdztrbCqQOrmvPjxS1UwsBC36x03ZOxhsqYgaI_RAPL6s/s320/IMG_5709.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Devin learning to climb right into the cupboard</td></tr>
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Sometimes you get frustrated, so I try to help you work things out without doing it for you. It's hard. I don't want life to hurt, or be hard. But I want you to be the strong, courageous, determined boy you are always, and sometimes that means you will do hard things. And I know these little moments will help you prepare for the bigger ones.<br />
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Every day I wonder how the world existed without you in it. You are larger than life to me, and can't give you enough kisses and snuggles, and can't stand being away from you, even for a few hours. It's so fun to watch you grow, but I already feel like my time with you is slipping away. People always say to enjoy it, because it goes too fast. I appreciate the reminder, but I don't need it. Maybe it's because I'm older and don't know how many babies we'll have, or maybe working takes so much more time from you than I want to give. But I savor the hours with you. Of course they are not all perfect. But they come pretty darn close.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's just something about Mickey. You love him.</td></tr>
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Xoxoxo,<br />
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Mom and Dad<br />
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<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8883480891008471258.post-51215387863843201472016-11-17T18:52:00.000-08:002016-11-17T18:52:29.641-08:00Thirteen Months<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg3_KxOmoS8KmXqSYjtVNGRcHtbtySfASEpAB7hG7iTuiVJr2FpjgtQ8HI7AzplU7RfnU5RTw69ewmZAScPce9us4XAHRY2vKOJRjuxobQSnQY8ApMBpXwQdoTT8smN2uaIxGRTCD8eD0/s1600/IMG_0145.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg3_KxOmoS8KmXqSYjtVNGRcHtbtySfASEpAB7hG7iTuiVJr2FpjgtQ8HI7AzplU7RfnU5RTw69ewmZAScPce9us4XAHRY2vKOJRjuxobQSnQY8ApMBpXwQdoTT8smN2uaIxGRTCD8eD0/s320/IMG_0145.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matchy-Matchy Boys!!</td></tr>
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Hey there Devy-boy!<br />
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Another month has come and gone, and you are continuing to change every day! Dad and I just watched the video of you at 8 months, and comparing it to the video I made of your year mark. The time has gone so fast, and you have grown SO MUCH!!<br />
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The most exciting update is that you're WALKING! You've taken steps here and there, and you could stand, squat, and stand again with perfect balance, but you weren't quite ready to just make it happen. Then while you were playing with your cousins in Utah, you started taking a few steps here and there with your Lovey in hand. It was almost as if holding Lovey felt like you had some support. A few minutes later you had something smaller in your hand. And by the end of the night you were walking as if you'd been doing it all along!<br />
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Your vocabulary hasn't grown much this month, but we are communicating much more now, even if it's often in points, grunts, and squawks. Sometimes it's a bit of a guessing game, but you can get the point across when you're ready for a drink, or when you want a certain food. In fact, we worked toward getting over the bottle, and it became very clear to me when you wanted your bottle because you suddenly got SUPER whiney and pouty about your entire life. The first day I noticed it, I just knew the bottle would cure it, and sure enough, you were happy as could be once you had it in hand. Ugh.<br />
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While you weren't quite ready to give up your bottle, your love for food has continued to expand. You tried chicken nuggets for the first time on our trip and I now believe that they have some sort of magic infused in them because you had this look on your face like, "Mom, where have you been keeping these?? They are DELICIOUS!!" Once again, ugh. But luckily you're almost as happy about eating broccoli, and your absolute favorite thing is raspberries. I have to hide them in the shopping cart or you won't stop whining for them through the entire store. I handed you a plum to gnaw on one morning as I started breakfast, and you ate the ENTIRE thing, only stopping at the pit because you couldn't figure out why it was so hard in the middle.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes you still eat things that aren't food</td></tr>
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Our Utah trip was mostly business for mom (though we got there early enough to spend the weekend with the family), but while we were out west we hopped on another plane to Seattle for Sarah's baptism. It was a pretty intense weekend with the WHOLE Randall family. That's the first time we've all been together in a long time, and definitely the first time in your lifetime. Dad even flew in on Friday and was there with us the rest of the trip. You got pretty clingy over the course of our adventure. It was a lot of people and a lot of new places in a very short time, so you stayed pretty close to mom, but it was awesome for you to meet the rest of our family. Your favorite buddy was Uncle Derek. You even stayed quiet on his lap for most of church. That was pretty impressive!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Animals we rode at the mall in Seattle. Devin LOVED it!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They don't look like they like each other... but they had fun together.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the Bluebird in Logan</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Devin and Charlotte</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Baby Shower</td></tr>
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On the way home from Seattle we had our first ever layover, and since it was 3 hours long, Grandma and Grandpa Cottle came to meet us at the airport and have dinner. You were getting a little cranky by this point, but you were completely fascinated by the escalators and moving walkways. We went up and down a few times, and everyone rediscovered the awesomeness of stairs that move as you giggled and shot looks at anyone that would meet your eye that said, "Is this for real guys? This is the<br />
best thing I've ever done!!" You would keep both hands in mine and walk up the stairs, and then turn around and try to come back down, getting a little put out you couldn't go back the way you came.<br />
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We had our first hurricane scare since we've been in Florida (and in fact the first true scare Orlando has had in many years). We were supposed to get hit with a Category 3 hurricane, so we decided to bunk up with Ben and McKenzie for the night to wait it out. They had all the preparations in place, but almost as important, we had each other. Dad and Ben were given Thursday afternoon and Friday off, so we got to hang out and watch TV, play games, and eat junk food (and a little healthy food too). McKenzie brought out Chutes and Ladders to play with you, which you thought was pretty awesome, even though she had to do most of the work, and you kept trying to cheat and put your player somewhere else on the board.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Hurricane "Bunker"</td></tr>
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It was a fun, crazy, and exhausting month. You keep me running now that you can get around so well, but I love that you're walking, which has opened doors for so many new adventures!! You also smile with all four of your teeth all the time, and it makes me so happy my heart could burst! How was there a world without Devin?<br />
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Xoxoxo,<br />
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Mom and Dad<br />
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<br />Sweet Utahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13847158921600470361noreply@blogger.com0