I have always been stuck in "move on" mindset. That's not always a bad thing. I think I deal with change because I accept that people can't be in my life forever, and goodbye isn't necessarily about rejection. But sometimes I miss experiencing all life has to offer because I don't take the time to appreciate the things that are right in front of me; I'm too busy looking ahead to what is next.
For the last two months I said yes to a relationship that wasn't going to last forever. I met a man who didn't share my same beliefs, but he loved and respected me. I knew all along somewhere in me, that our lives could never connect on a permanent level, because I know that I need certain things in my life he wouldn't be able to give me. But somehow, I decided it was worth a chance.
I want to say that knowing something precious is temporary makes it valuable, because recognizing that it may leave my life tomorrow helps me appreciate what it means today. I loved every minute that I spent with him, and I treasured every memory we made. In fact, every minute was a memory because I wanted it to be.
I served him more than any other man, because I wanted him to see our time together as beautiful. We said goodbye without fighting, without regret, and without hiding our pain or our feelings. We were honest through everything.
I don't know all the reasons we needed to spend a few short months together. But I know that I remember what it feels like to really love again, and I remember how deeply I have a testimony of God. I know that I have no regrets. And I know that I want to treat everyone in my life as if they will be gone tomorrow. Because wouldn't all our relationships be more precious if we recognized that we might not see each other again?
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4 days ago
2 comments:
Rachel,
What a beautiful, heartfelt comment. I would like to hear your story when I see you at the Christmas party. Love you Ray!
That is very well said. A very close person to our family is dealing with some very real and challenging health problems. In all that we have gone through, the one thing that sticks out the most is how vulnerable we are and how at any moment, we could lose someone we cherish so much to disease or an accident. My husband and I don't fight much, but when we were newlywed, we had a couple of lame fights. The stupid things that I said back then haunt me with regret because 1) I didn't mean them and 2) I would never want him to remember I said them. I know that he has probably fogotten and forgave me but I am so glad that I feel haunted by those regrets because it makes me remember to control my temper and my feelings when contention comes along. Well done for breaking up so civily with so much caring towards the other person.
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