My last to you as my only...

Dear Devin,

As you may have noticed, my monthly posts got fewer and farther between. Life got busy, and my time enjoying you took over the time I tried to spend documenting your life. As I look back at what I've written, I'm so sad I've missed capturing many beautiful moments, because time is going far too fast, and I don't want to forget all the joy you brought to each and every day. But, I'm also learning to embrace the now, and love each moment before it is gone.

I started a letter to you before David's arrival. Thanks to my desire to find the perfect words and share just the right thing, it took too long, and a few days later our family dynamic changed. So... even though it's incomplete, even though it's imperfect, I'm preserving the final thing I wrote to you as my baby:

My sweet baby,

A new adventure is beginning soon. You'll have a new sibling (hopefully) this week. I am so excited for you to be a big brother, but clinging to each moment that you are still my baby. I've missed a lot of blog posts as life has gotten intense. I hope I can still capture a few of those moments for posterity, but I needed to write at least one more just for you. Just for this time of my life. And I'm already emotional. 

Devin, I dreamed my whole life of being a mom. I didn't realize that it would be a heavy calling to carry. That there wouldn't be one, single, moment in the rest of forever that wouldn't include thinking about you and your well-being. But, more importantly, I couldn't know how full my heart could be with love for one little person, and how much joy you could bring into my life. I know my feelings aren't unique. I know every mother experiences this. But every day I can't believe I'm so blessed to be your mom. 

You, my little son, are bursting with personality, imagination, and such a gentle and sweet love for others. You make friends everywhere you go, and you are always trying to include others whether you're playing, eating, singing, dancing, or just hanging out watching Little Einsteins. Life is a constant adventure. 

You love to be snuggled, and I hope that never goes away. When it's bedtime and you're settled in, you immediately ask, "Snuggle me?" and then request song after song while we lay together in your bed. I have to admit, it's gotten harder and harder to snuggle in a toddler bed while my belly has gotten bigger and bigger, but it's so worth it. You love for us to sing Edelweiss, the Rapunzel song, Candle on the Water, I am a Child of God, I Love to See the Temple, and many more, but your favorite is Edelweiss. I love that you enjoy hearing that song, since it's one I remember Mimi singing to me many nights when I was a little girl. Grammy also sang it to Daddy when he was little.

You are quite the musician yourself, and you love to make music (or pretend to make music) with anything you can find. We were at the Farmers Market yesterday and a woman was playing the ukulele. You wanted to find your "buhtar" (guitar), and of course we didn't have anything like that in the stroller, so I gave you a bottle of sunscreen. You decided that would work and got right out there to dance and play along with her. 

You are always imagining things, often somewhat inspired by a show, a movie, or an experience you've had. The other day you were playing outside and you went over to the light post, and while trying to climb it called out, "Rapunzel, let down your hair!!" You are always seeing elephants, lions, rhinos, and other animals when we are riding in the car. You'll pull out anything handy to look through as your "look and listen scope" to be able to see them up close. You use a hanger as your trumpet, anything long and skinny as a lightsaber, and all sorts of other doo dads around the house to be miscellaneous objects you've seen or heard about.

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So there it is. I won't add pictures. I won't add videos. I'm afraid this will never be posted if I try to do more. I will tell you I cherished every last moment we had of just "us" until the day David arrived. It was a sweet time, and I have the sweetest of memories.

There's so much more I wanted to say. So much I wanted to capture. But for now, know that I'm so grateful you introduced me to my role as a mom. You will always be my baby, but now you get to be "big brother" too. I'm already so proud of the way you love your baby brother, and for the sweet "big boy" you're becoming.

Love,

Mom