David Bryce

Dear David,

Welcome to the world! You are my little warrior, and my miracle baby. You stayed with me for 9 full months of pregnancy with a true knot in your umbilical cord (we'll never know how long it was actually there), and battled through 40 long hours of labor without skipping a single heartbeat, and exclaimed your feelings about both the moment you took your first breath.

You share a name with some very important people in our lives. We were already thinking David was a special name in our family. Your Great Grandpa Dave was an amazing man. He was just 5'6", but would tell people he was "just under 6 feet", and truly he was larger than life. When I went into labor on your Uncle Davey's birthday, I think that sealed the deal.

I call you Davey Jones. It started right after you were born, and it's stuck. I love the way you smile when I sing your "Davey Jones" song, and it's even better when Devin sings to you.

It's taken me almost 6 months to write to you, and while it's been hard to sit down and record my feelings for you, I want you to know that I have soaked up every sweet, perfect second of time as your Mom.

From your first cry, I knew you were born with incredible strength and determination, and I see that in the way you've taken on every day, learning and growing, and moving so fast!! But you also are maybe the happiest, content little soul in the world. Unless you are hungry, you smile, talk, play, snuggle, and sleep while your little body is bursting with joy. One day while you were just a couple months old I looked down at the stroller while we were walking, and you were looking up at me with the biggest smile. It took up your whole face, and was oozing from every part of your tiny little body. I could sense you saying, "Mommy!! I was just waiting for you to see how happy I am to be with you!!"

You just started rolling over, and now there's no stopping you. I frequently find you on your belly in your crib, sometimes wedged against the side and not sure how to get back to where you want to be.

You also love the tub! You're still deciding whether you like the pool, but water in general is pretty fascinating.

You are already a busy guy. We took a trip to Utah just before maternity was over to see our family, and especially all the other babies that were born just after you. We also had your blessing in Utah so we could bless you with your cousin Luke. We ended up being able to see all your aunts and uncles on the Randall side (minus Uncle Derek), which was AMAZING!! I was super excited to be able to enjoy the 4th of July with you guys in Centerville, which I think is the ONLY real place to celebrate Independence Day. We also got to see lots of the Cottle family, including a few more new babies, which was so special.

You are SO loved by your big brother!! He loves to make you laugh, and he often will climb right in bed with you to cheer you up when you are sad. Right from the beginning he would climb into your ball pit and hold your hand. It's taken a little bit of time for him to understand how to play gently, and sometimes it's still a process, but you are very patient with him, and you are also fascinated watching him.

David, you've only been with us a short time, but I can't imagine how life was complete without you. There is something so intentional about your joy and your determination. In the difficult, intense moments of life, I'm grounded as I snuggle you and look into your beautiful eyes. You seem to understand far more than I ever will about what really matters. Maybe that has something to do with being in heaven not too long ago. I love you more than I can ever say, and I feel so grateful to be your mom.

Life is intense and I struggle to balance all the demands that come my way, and some days feel so hard. But, you remind me every day how blessed my life is. Your gentle spirit calms my troubled soul, and brings me such incredible joy. I love you, sweet little warrior.

My last to you as my only...

Dear Devin,

As you may have noticed, my monthly posts got fewer and farther between. Life got busy, and my time enjoying you took over the time I tried to spend documenting your life. As I look back at what I've written, I'm so sad I've missed capturing many beautiful moments, because time is going far too fast, and I don't want to forget all the joy you brought to each and every day. But, I'm also learning to embrace the now, and love each moment before it is gone.

I started a letter to you before David's arrival. Thanks to my desire to find the perfect words and share just the right thing, it took too long, and a few days later our family dynamic changed. So... even though it's incomplete, even though it's imperfect, I'm preserving the final thing I wrote to you as my baby:

My sweet baby,

A new adventure is beginning soon. You'll have a new sibling (hopefully) this week. I am so excited for you to be a big brother, but clinging to each moment that you are still my baby. I've missed a lot of blog posts as life has gotten intense. I hope I can still capture a few of those moments for posterity, but I needed to write at least one more just for you. Just for this time of my life. And I'm already emotional. 

Devin, I dreamed my whole life of being a mom. I didn't realize that it would be a heavy calling to carry. That there wouldn't be one, single, moment in the rest of forever that wouldn't include thinking about you and your well-being. But, more importantly, I couldn't know how full my heart could be with love for one little person, and how much joy you could bring into my life. I know my feelings aren't unique. I know every mother experiences this. But every day I can't believe I'm so blessed to be your mom. 

You, my little son, are bursting with personality, imagination, and such a gentle and sweet love for others. You make friends everywhere you go, and you are always trying to include others whether you're playing, eating, singing, dancing, or just hanging out watching Little Einsteins. Life is a constant adventure. 

You love to be snuggled, and I hope that never goes away. When it's bedtime and you're settled in, you immediately ask, "Snuggle me?" and then request song after song while we lay together in your bed. I have to admit, it's gotten harder and harder to snuggle in a toddler bed while my belly has gotten bigger and bigger, but it's so worth it. You love for us to sing Edelweiss, the Rapunzel song, Candle on the Water, I am a Child of God, I Love to See the Temple, and many more, but your favorite is Edelweiss. I love that you enjoy hearing that song, since it's one I remember Mimi singing to me many nights when I was a little girl. Grammy also sang it to Daddy when he was little.

You are quite the musician yourself, and you love to make music (or pretend to make music) with anything you can find. We were at the Farmers Market yesterday and a woman was playing the ukulele. You wanted to find your "buhtar" (guitar), and of course we didn't have anything like that in the stroller, so I gave you a bottle of sunscreen. You decided that would work and got right out there to dance and play along with her. 

You are always imagining things, often somewhat inspired by a show, a movie, or an experience you've had. The other day you were playing outside and you went over to the light post, and while trying to climb it called out, "Rapunzel, let down your hair!!" You are always seeing elephants, lions, rhinos, and other animals when we are riding in the car. You'll pull out anything handy to look through as your "look and listen scope" to be able to see them up close. You use a hanger as your trumpet, anything long and skinny as a lightsaber, and all sorts of other doo dads around the house to be miscellaneous objects you've seen or heard about.

******

So there it is. I won't add pictures. I won't add videos. I'm afraid this will never be posted if I try to do more. I will tell you I cherished every last moment we had of just "us" until the day David arrived. It was a sweet time, and I have the sweetest of memories.

There's so much more I wanted to say. So much I wanted to capture. But for now, know that I'm so grateful you introduced me to my role as a mom. You will always be my baby, but now you get to be "big brother" too. I'm already so proud of the way you love your baby brother, and for the sweet "big boy" you're becoming.

Love,

Mom